too awkward to live

[violetforever]

besides the deeply traumatic and more serious reasons i want to die, which probably contribute to this reason, i genuinely just feel uncomfortable existing as if i werent meant to be here. i lay in bed at night and realize how i cant handle a single thing without being cluelessly awkward and insecure. i feel random constant guilt for nothing too. i just find my existence and life in general to be strange now. i really try to enjoy moments but this feeling never goes away. no improvements towards life that i make bring any change to this. im so weird and i wish i could connect with people and things like a normal person does. i simultaneously thrive and deteriorate when i keep myself alone and away from others. im some sort of mistake.

 

[DownwardSpiral]

i'm sorry you feel that way. it's sad that just a little awkwardness is enough to isolate people like this. being awkward is so hard in this world. we have to pretend to be normal all the time, but its impossible to act completely normal when you're dealing with so many complex feelings on the inside & are all alone. its very hard to deal with any of life's troubles when you don't have any support in your environment. just know there are plenty of people who don't mind awkwardness & will look past it to see you for you. when you have true connections, they wont care about things like that. you should be proud of yourself for still trying to improve your life & enjoy things, that takes a lot of bravery & it's good.