Venting today felt different

[sweetdrowning]

i don't know what to trust anymore, but now that i've ordered the rope and my relationships are seemingly irreparable the deep depression subsides into numbness. I don't know, now, if I will do it or not. A part of me things of my parents, who adopted my sister and I, and if I die then we will have both died under the age of thirty. Sister overdosed in 2024. My parents have never been people to be very lovey-dovey or close to me. They have never been interested in the things I do or want, but I have expressed interest in my parents' hobbies. But they still don't deserve to lose two kids in a couple of years... I don't know. I wasn't feeling guilty about it, but the more I think about it, the more it hurts.
But then I think about how both my birth mom and sister are dead. And I just don't know. I might be destined to die. It's just awful.

 

[tsuinosora]

If you don't mind me asking, how do you feel about adoption, how did it affect you, do you feel part of your family even though you're adopted?

 

[sweetdrowning]

If you don't mind me asking, how do you feel about adoption, how did it affect you, do you feel part of your family even though you're adopted?

I don't feel a part of the family and haven't since I was very young. My sister was removed from my house when I was still young, and only really got to know her again through adulthood. I have siblings that are my adoptive parents biological children that are treated better, so I've always felt like an outsider. I am not interested in the same things as my adoptive family, I am just completely different from them. In appearance as well. I think adoption is good but it just doesn't work out for some people who can't get over that alienation feeling. Especially if you're in a family that has bio children and adoptive children. Always feel like parents will prefer the bio children.

 

[BlockedintheUK]

Thanks for sharing your story yes I guess the bio children have a stronger bond at the least.

 

[tsuinosora]

I don't feel a part of the family and haven't since I was very young. My sister was removed from my house when I was still young, and only really got to know her again through adulthood. I have siblings that are my adoptive parents biological children that are treated better, so I've always felt like an outsider. I am not interested in the same things as my adoptive family, I am just completely different from them. In appearance as well. I think adoption is good but it just doesn't work out for some people who can't get over that alienation feeling. Especially if you're in a family that has bio children and adoptive children. Always feel like parents will prefer the bio children.

It must be way worse when your parents have biological children, thankfully that is not my case, but I can kind of understand how bad it must be (not saying that I am entirely capable of feeling your pain though). And your feeling of alienation is something that I can relate with, even if you're treated like family, in reality you really aren't.

Do you feel belonging in any group of people? Do you keep contact with the rest of your biological family? And do you know any adopted(in real life or online)? Sorry for making so many questions, but I'm pretty interested in this. And I'm also sorry for taking so long to answer, I mostly avoid this site when I'm having good/mediocre days.

 

[sweetdrowning]

It must be way worse when your parents have biological children, thankfully that is not my case, but I can kind of understand how bad it must be (not saying that I am entirely capable of feeling your pain though). And your feeling of alienation is something that I can relate with, even if you're treated like family, in reality you really aren't.

Do you feel belonging in any group of people? Do you keep contact with the rest of your biological family? And do you know any adopted(in real life or online)? Sorry for making so many questions, but I'm pretty interested in this. And I'm also sorry for taking so long to answer, I mostly avoid this site when I'm having good/mediocre days.

I've struggled feeling like a belong anywhere. I have found groups where I fit in enough, but I always end up sabotaging it for myself. Both my biological sister that I knew and my biological mother are dead. I do not even know my bio-father's name. From what I've heard, most of my biological siblings that I don't know have severe mental impairment, I was the "lucky" one. I have known adopted people before, but I am not really friends with anyone that was adopted currently. I don't mind questions.