Venting Time flies

[Ardesevent]

The last time I attempted suicide was a impulsive overdose 3 months ago. It was a dumb idea and ended just as you expect it did. Since then, my life has only gone further down the gutter. My social anxiety now prevents me from leaving the house almost completely, I can't tell whether some things are happening or not, and I've started to have full on breakdowns and cry when I think about my future after college. Yet I still haven't attempted in months. It's the longest I've gone for months.
I have no idea why, but the last few months have just whooshed by. I'm clearly not having fun, I'm wondering if it feels that way just because of my fear of the future, or if it's just to spite me for still being alive and not taking a way out yet. I have the time and some access to methods, but I just can't do it right now.
I still want to die. Every morning I wake up and hate myself a bit, and wish my brains were splattered on the side of the pavement instead. I hate being like this. It feels like I'm wasting my own time just by existing.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I know how you feel. Not really living, just existing in a limbo between life and death. That feeling is truly awful and I hope you find some relief from this pain.

 

[Trisolaris]

I know exactly how you feel. Every day is torture and yet somehow time flies by.

 

[WornOutLife]

Time surely flies! I can't believe April is already coming! Just WTF!?
Also, I really know how you're feeling. Jxisting used to be terrible for me.
Last year, I was a depressed NEET who didn't have a life at all. Now, I've become kinda a normal person because I work and study but there is always this part of me thinking "why the hell do I still exist? Why not leave this world asap?"

I bet some more months will go by when I check this thread again. I don't wanna age anymore lol.