Venting thoughts

[v0idion]

i just feel so fucking stupid at this point . nothing matters, nothing i say, do, think, literally nothing matters. i could just kill myself and it wouldnt change a single thing because i have already lived.

i cant even really go through with killing myself because all i think about is how i never ever even wanted to live at the first place? what does it matter if you kill yourself after having lived at all. death no longer matters. i just want to erase my existence. i wish i had never existed.

it just feels so helpless to know that you have no control of anything. you are stuck in this miserable world, society, life and body and you are just told to bear with it while others just get to die before being born or right at their birth.

its not fair and ill forever be jealous of everyone that escaped the world before gaining consciousness.

can someone like just get into science and shit like that and invent a erase-existence-machine ?.......

 

[Firefly.Forest]

I am sorry for the pain and agony you are going thru - I think many of the users here can relate to your thoughts.
You are not alone and I hear you.

Control is indeed an illusion - there are no guaranteed outcomes and it is very painful.
Would be that we all had a "back to the future" time machine.