Venting this needs to work

[funhaver63]

the past month and, especially the past week, ive been telling myself that i will crb and die, which i plan to do tomorrow night. though i dont have any real tangible reason as to why i feel this way, i feel like i absolutely can not fail and am extremely anxious about the future, only made worse by how ive been neglecting schoolwork and my general health.

my psh set up is pretty decent and i have a good amount of oxycodone and xanax. im still unable to compress my carotids fully and quickly enough while sitting/kneeling to not be uncomfortable and still conscious for 20+ seconds. additionally, i fear the deugd arent that potent despite being sold as 30mg of oxy and 2 mg of xanax per respective pill (ive take a crushed bar and oxy, and two non crushed oxyxodones and only felt a small feeling of relaxation instead of respiratory issues).

i plan on taking all the pills that i have (-20 oxys and maybe 7 xans), and if kneeling or sitting doesnt work ill try standing, which when i previously tried brought me very close to blackout. because of this, im not hopeless, but still nervous i wont be able to overcome the uncomfortable feeling of hanging, and scared of failing ofc.

wish me luck !! ^_^

 

[ThisPartySucks]

i wish you nothing but your journey to your desired outcome to be painless and peaceful

 

[darksouls]

good luck, I hope you find the peace you desire

 

[funhaver63]

the past month and, especially the past week, ive been telling myself that i will crb and die, which i plan to do tomorrow night. though i dont have any real tangible reason as to why i feel this way, i feel like i absolutely can not fail and am extremely anxious about the future, only made worse by how ive been neglecting schoolwork and my general health.

my psh set up is pretty decent and i have a good amount of oxycodone and xanax. im still unable to compress my carotids fully and quickly enough while sitting/kneeling to not be uncomfortable and still conscious for 20+ seconds. additionally, i fear the deugd arent that potent despite being sold as 30mg of oxy and 2 mg of xanax per respective pill (ive take a crushed bar and oxy, and two non crushed oxyxodones and only felt a small feeling of relaxation instead of respiratory issues).

i plan on taking all the pills that i have (-20 oxys and maybe 7 xans), and if kneeling or sitting doesnt work ill try standing, which when i previously tried brought me very close to blackout. because of this, im not hopeless, but still nervous i wont be able to overcome the uncomfortable feeling of hanging, and scared of failing ofc.

wish me luck !! ^_^

fuck my plug and fuck me.

i tried from about 10-3:30 and what should have been about 6mg of xanax and about 500 mg of oxycodone felt like .5 mg of xanax and 20 mg of oxycodone (i have next to no tolerance for either of thseese substances)

i also didnt fully commit on any of my attempts since i wasnt able to blackout within 20-30 seconds and backed out. on the bright side, i made a new set up which is essentially a decline push up into the noose, which is basically perfectly perpendicular to the ground, meaning it should be basically impossible for me to not blackout quickly even with dome of the worse neck placements imaginable. i could also maybe get some ket from my friend that she might has left over.

sighhh