Venting This life isn't for me

[_Minsk]

The older i got the worse everything became, i had a hard time like most of us here even as kid. I did fight hard and did everything to get out of my misery, but after all it was doomed to fail. Everything is short-lived. Everything is doomed to end, friendships, relationships etc. I hate that I can't just finally arrive at a place where i want to be. It always ends in a complete catastrophe.

This life is not for me. The more depressed i become, the less people want to be with me and the less i want to be with people. I hate this body, i hate that its already a piece of garbage and that i have no other options left.

I hate that im stuck in my traumas, i feel like every part of me is stuck in another horrible trauma, i never came to a place of >i got trough that and now im back and can finally relax and recharge<. I wake up in the mornings and I don't even feel like i sleept at all, i feel like the trauma just keeps on going and as soon as im fully awake again, I'm back in it again.
Life is horrible, people are horrible, this world is horrible, yet its all we have..

I don't want to ctb, i just want to be at peace again. Life has been like this for the last decade, i feel fried. I tried so much, im at a point now where i think that the pain will never go away, its a permanent state and im stuck in it. Its horrible.

Talking never helped, in fact i feel worse after it, it doesn't solve anything at all, it just reminds me of the problems i have and it just gives me further proof that I can't solve these issues.

Everything that used to help just looses its effect, whenever i find something, i build my entire world around it, just to see it being taken away from me.

The more depressed i become the fewer things actually work, its like going against the stream and its so exhausting and i bet many people just think im wasting my time and doing nothing.

I hate to be that guy, it's not like i want my life to be like this but its pointless, my health ruined everything, i used to be somewhat happy and easygoing person but all the issues keep me trapped in this low.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I know that this life can be unbearable when you are in so much pain. I understand that it is hard to carry on when everything is hopeless. You are right that this world is horrible, I just want to peacefully pass away and be free from it all. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[rationaltake]

I can relate to this. I feel the same way about my body but I don't have serious physical illnesses. But yes. I would never have put it this way before but I think of my body as a piece of garbage. Your saying this is illuminating for me. I'm a lot older than you. I feel everything is hopeless. I wish I could help.

 

[myopybyproxy]

feel this. and yeah talking is largely useless save for the initial information-gathering necessary to fix the problems - beyond that is simply a self pity party of stagnation. all the self awareness in the world will do nothing without action or motivation.