Venting This girl i was in love could potentially be the reason of my death.

[-FrozenRobot-]

So this girl who texted me after seeing my post on one of the subreddits about 2 years ago. She was really supportive and friendly. I've never met someone so comforting.

We talked a lot and lot and lot. I cared for her more than anything and she was my top priority. We talked over the call, exchanged pics and you know...late night convos.


During this February I confessed my love for her and said I wanted to me more than just friends. She obviously gave me signals like asking me what is my kind of love and when I answered it she said she wanted that kinda loving. Just friends don't discuss these types of things, right ? I don't know what she thought but she replies that she sees me only as a friend and doesn't want anything more to do with me. I decided to handle rejection like a man and dropped the topic for a few days. I didnt bring it up after that. We were cool and everything.

But you know, love doesn't just disappear overnight. I tried to be the best comforting person she ever had and she didn't talk with me like before. Things weren't the same. Maybe I should've stated stated fact that I'm bipolar already. My triggering factors increased and I had more depressive episodes. Still, I respected her and was a kind friend.

Today I told her that all the good things in my life left me in the most cruel way possible and I don't want to lose her too. She didn't respond for a while. I said it's fine and we can move on if it's making her uncomfortable. But then she said that the things I'm saying are presssurisjng her. I got immediately.....I don't know what to say. Sad ? It's 2 in the morning and I was awake for her ! She's the one person I wasn't cold with or didn't show my dark face to. I asked her if she needed some space and time. She said "Uhhh I think yes". I immediately said bye and turned off my phone.

I think I'm not going to speak with anyone for a week. I'm cutting off all contacts and I'm just going to disappear. I might text her next Saturday.

I'll tell you this. I was in love with her till last night. I completely lost interest now. I was alive only for her but she left me. I have no one right now. And I'm a retard to believe that some girl is going to approach me one day and will treat me the way I want to be treated.

This girl will be the end of me.

 

[justwanttogo]

i know thst feeling bro..

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

It's hard to see people go through this

My life experience made me immune to this behavior from an early age. Love in this sense is not possible. I can't feel it .

I've watched too many lives ruined by this stuff whether it's be to early death of the partner , cheating , etc. never wanted anything to do with it

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really painful being in that situation and I'm sorry that you are suffering. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.