So i still try recovery. I do my best. I had some job interviews. Still i am a bad liar. So i think i do not have much of a chance. I do not have to ctb asap but the long term development is horrible. My sister is again in a clinic. She might need my financial help. However money is one of my biggest issues why i might kill myself.
I am bipolar at the moment my depression is not severe. But i barely can work. So in the longterm i gonna kill me due to money and bipolar.
But there is another option. Next autumn i will probably start an apprenticeship. If job interviews do not work out, i will have to move to another city in order to try it. Nevertheless i probably have to work round about 30 hours and this step will cost me a lot of money. I think it is likely that i will have a mental breakdown but i am preparing to kill me if this will happen.
So i can wait and kill myself in 10 -20 years when my parents are dead and cannot give me money. Or i gonna die (faster) because i tried to prevent my suicide by working a normal job.
I think this game is rigged against me and it always was. I was abused as a child never had a chance and i always tried my best. I never did a really severly bad decision. Just my fucking genetics and my fucking stupid parents are responsible for that shit.
I am bipolar at the moment my depression is not severe. But i barely can work. So in the longterm i gonna kill me due to money and bipolar.
But there is another option. Next autumn i will probably start an apprenticeship. If job interviews do not work out, i will have to move to another city in order to try it. Nevertheless i probably have to work round about 30 hours and this step will cost me a lot of money. I think it is likely that i will have a mental breakdown but i am preparing to kill me if this will happen.
So i can wait and kill myself in 10 -20 years when my parents are dead and cannot give me money. Or i gonna die (faster) because i tried to prevent my suicide by working a normal job.
I think this game is rigged against me and it always was. I was abused as a child never had a chance and i always tried my best. I never did a really severly bad decision. Just my fucking genetics and my fucking stupid parents are responsible for that shit.
