valoristic
I’ll be in the snow.
- Sep 23, 2023
- 20
hi. im home alone for the night. ive been in a severe depressive episode for about 2 weeks where i just dont get out of bed, i dont do anything at all, im barely eating or taking care of myself. i finally decided to get my ass up and go do something. so i went out with friends to go rollerskating, something im really good at. been an inline skater since 7 years old. in the last year, i fucked up my ankle and have been trying to get answers in whats wrong but, that costs money and i dont have a job. so i skate for the first time in a long time, i cant. i cant skate. something im so talented at, something i know tricks at, something i am confident in myself about. my ankle simply would not let me skate. at the same time i have people in my ear over and over "itll be okay" "everythings gonna work out"
i cant skate anymore. that made me very very sad and mad and so many other things.
it wasnt until my friend M(22) told me, "hey, i know this wont help much. but, i know youre gonna get better. even if it means you end up in a rehab." that ofc set me off but, i stayed silent.
i have my issues with alcohol. it wasnt just that tho. this same guy, told me essentially im fat. he told me theres things he doesnt like about OH BUT ITS OK HE ACCEPTS ME!!
at the same time, hes not only to fault. while drunk once at a party, i made a move on his girl (broken up at this time) which made him uncomfy and he decided to tell me about while we were out skating. wow. make me feel AMAZING right.
no. i stepped into my house fully ready to down all my pills, as much alcohol as i can, and slit my thighs open so deep that hopefully they bleed enough to kill me mixed with everything else.
i am horrible. ive done horrible things. so many not even named.
i am so ready to CTB.
i want to go tonight. while im alone, theres no one to check on me. its perfect.
its so perfect
this was basically a vent post. share what you think.
i cant skate anymore. that made me very very sad and mad and so many other things.
it wasnt until my friend M(22) told me, "hey, i know this wont help much. but, i know youre gonna get better. even if it means you end up in a rehab." that ofc set me off but, i stayed silent.
i have my issues with alcohol. it wasnt just that tho. this same guy, told me essentially im fat. he told me theres things he doesnt like about OH BUT ITS OK HE ACCEPTS ME!!
at the same time, hes not only to fault. while drunk once at a party, i made a move on his girl (broken up at this time) which made him uncomfy and he decided to tell me about while we were out skating. wow. make me feel AMAZING right.
no. i stepped into my house fully ready to down all my pills, as much alcohol as i can, and slit my thighs open so deep that hopefully they bleed enough to kill me mixed with everything else.
i am horrible. ive done horrible things. so many not even named.
i am so ready to CTB.
i want to go tonight. while im alone, theres no one to check on me. its perfect.
its so perfect
this was basically a vent post. share what you think.
