Venting There is nothing for me here

[erdbeeren]

I can and will never realistically have the things I truly want. My life is objectively void of purpose. I have no real friends, no activities I enjoy, no motivation.

I hate school and most of the people there. I get treated like shit just for being different. Everyone who's around me ostracizes. Some pretend to be friendly occasionally and then walk a few feet's distance to make fun of me moments later as if I'm fucking deaf. I get shoved and even kicked sometimes. People used to poke me with pencils to see if/how I'd react. They also use slurs and no teachers or staff seem to care. In fact, many will laugh along.

I've no meaningful relationships besides with my cat. And he's likely the only one who will remember and mourn me after I ctb. The people will probably be sad for a day then go on about their lives. It may be a little longer for my parents, but ultimately, their lives, too, will barely change.

I'm a nobody. A prisoner of this fat, abhorrent cell they call a body. My last remaining options are to continue suffering and seething in silence or take matters into my own hands.

 

[PreussenBlueJay]

I'm sorry that you are struggling and suffering. I never really understood school and hated how people who were ordinarily nice felt the need to bully by some force of peer pressure. Few people were actually hateful but just went along. At least I can tell you the best relationships of your life will be found outside of school, so if you can try to find something like a hobby which you can devote yourself to while you're there. Are things okay during classes?

 

[erdbeeren]

Are things okay during classes?

Not really. My grades keep getting worse and worse and people still shit on me.

 

[Grav]

Is school a high school?

 

[FuneralCry]

There is also nothing here for me in this world, I have no reason to stay alive. I want nothing to do with this dreadful existence, life is just pain and suffering. Some people can be very cruel and awful, I cannot stand people. I know that it can be hard to carry on when everything is hopeless. I wish you the best.

 

[PreussenBlueJay]

The only thing that got me through school was withdrawing socially and burying my face in a book during open time. My grades were slipping pretty badly but I stopped caring and just got a job afterwards and things were much different. I don't know if it's the right answer for you but it's okay to just get by, in my opinion. Don't be afraid to aim low.