Venting The world is made to fuck you over

[regasus]

I loathe every single fucking thing about this system. I'm fucked over at every single God damn step of the way. I stand up, put on a brave face, try again. And again. And again. And I'm expected to be a good little citizen and smile and pretend I care about some shit company or person I never met or dickass who will find joy in putting me down. I'm sick of it. I find a glimmer of hope, a job in the city I want to move back to with decent pay, and I realise even if I do land the position, I can't fucking pay the deposit on the cheapest, most garbage-looking dump outside the city. 2800€ for the 15m² unfurnished room in buttfuck nowhere, gargle my balls. Even if I try, I can't even have a decent life, let alone succeed or be happy. I just want a simple life. I want to grow my own vegetables and live in a forest. Just let me be, how about that? Existing while not being profitable isn't compatible with this shit. I'm angry. I want to light myself on fire and yell until I'm an unrecognisable charred mass in front of the parliament.

 

[elkheart]

I feel this same sort of defeat and it's what has landed me so certain in my decision to CTB. It's not just solving one thing in my life, or five, or even twenty - there's all of these bullshit steps in between that make it LITERALLY PHYSICALLY impossible to get to the next checkpoint of my "success" or comfort. And even when things ARE accessible, I find myself bumping into workers who have no idea what they're talking about and who further gatekeep the progress I'm trying to make - whether it's renewing my passport, opening a new bank account, etc. Getting the run-around on the phone or after making appointments I wait for only to be told that the last person told me something wrong, and I'm the one that has to suffer the consequence in the end. Sorry for the ramble, I just relate heavily to this, and people don't understand the exhaustion it comes with. "That's just life" fuck off I've lost full faith in humanity because of ACTUAL stupidity