The weight of loneliness is weighing heavy on me today.

[Bong-Hit-Transplant]

Normally I don't mind, or atleast am able to cope, but today I just need someone to talk to and my phone is full of people I haven't talked to in months. I just want to call up a friend and tell them "hey just a heads up I'm committing suicide in a few weeks". It makes me so unsure in my plan that part of my brain wants to give in to these stupid attention seeking habits I'd have used when I was like 13, but god I'm just so resentful of how well everyone in my life just moved on. Even my closest friends who I know truly cared for me are doing better than ever without me. I just want people to care one last time. I want my friends to fly in for one last afternoon at the cafe before they all say their goodbyes and I CTB. I hate that my last moments will take place alone in some dingy motel room.

I feel bad taking up space with another depressive rant. The front page of the suicide discussion page is already 90% r/suicidewatch posts. I just really hoped these last few weeks would be freeing. That I would enjoy every breath and blade of grass knowing there was an endpoint in sight. But it seems the more and more my brain reckons with my coming death being a reality, the more resentful I become. It's like I'm feeling the debt of all those times I persevered because I actually believed that things would get better. All to end in a fucking closet of a Days Inn. But better late than never I guess.

Idk if this is allowed but I but if someone would want to discord call or something in my final moments, I think I'd feel a lot more at peace as I go through with it. But I also understand the privacy concerns with that so it might be against the rules.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

Just hit up your closest friends. Many people are just living their lives, going through the daily motions, dealing with their own problems. If they truly cared for you before, that doesn't mean they stopped

 

[miserableforever]

Normally I don't mind, or atleast am able to cope, but today I just need someone to talk to and my phone is full of people I haven't talked to in months. I just want to call up a friend and tell them "hey just a heads up I'm committing suicide in a few weeks". It makes me so unsure in my plan that part of my brain wants to give in to these stupid attention seeking habits I'd have used when I was like 13, but god I'm just so resentful of how well everyone in my life just moved on. Even my closest friends who I know truly cared for me are doing better than ever without me. I just want people to care one last time. I want my friends to fly in for one last afternoon at the cafe before they all say their goodbyes and I CTB. I hate that my last moments will take place alone in some dingy motel room.

I feel bad taking up space with another depressive rant. The front page of the suicide discussion page is already 90% r/suicidewatch posts. I just really hoped these last few weeks would be freeing. That I would enjoy every breath and blade of grass knowing there was an endpoint in sight. But it seems the more and more my brain reckons with my coming death being a reality, the more resentful I become. It's like I'm feeling the debt of all those times I persevered because I actually believed that things would get better. All to end in a fucking closet of a Days Inn. But better late than never I guess.

Idk if this is allowed but I but if someone would want to discord call or something in my final moments, I think I'd feel a lot more at peace as I go through with it. But I also understand the privacy concerns with that so it might be against the rules.

I deleted my Discord for the millionth time last week when I went through another Borderline rage. You can PM me here. At least I can be your internet friend if you want one :)

 

[LonelyBrazilian]

you can PM me if you want. My english is not very good, but I try.

 

[FuneralCry]

For many people loneliness can be painful. It can be a isolating feeling having no one to talk to, I'm sorry you have to go through this. I wish you the best and when the time comes for you to leave, I hope you find peace.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

Normally I don't mind, or atleast am able to cope, but today I just need someone to talk to and my phone is full of people I haven't talked to in months. I just want to call up a friend and tell them "hey just a heads up I'm committing suicide in a few weeks". It makes me so unsure in my plan that part of my brain wants to give in to these stupid attention seeking habits I'd have used when I was like 13, but god I'm just so resentful of how well everyone in my life just moved on. Even my closest friends who I know truly cared for me are doing better than ever without me. I just want people to care one last time. I want my friends to fly in for one last afternoon at the cafe before they all say their goodbyes and I CTB. I hate that my last moments will take place alone in some dingy motel room.

I feel bad taking up space with another depressive rant. The front page of the suicide discussion page is already 90% r/suicidewatch posts. I just really hoped these last few weeks would be freeing. That I would enjoy every breath and blade of grass knowing there was an endpoint in sight. But it seems the more and more my brain reckons with my coming death being a reality, the more resentful I become. It's like I'm feeling the debt of all those times I persevered because I actually believed that things would get better. All to end in a fucking closet of a Days Inn. But better late than never I guess.

Idk if this is allowed but I but if someone would want to discord call or something in my final moments, I think I'd feel a lot more at peace as I go through with it. But I also understand the privacy concerns with that so it might be against the rules.

I totally relate to that quiet resentment building for people who moved on easily. It is irrational, and yet I know I harbour it for one person in particular.