I used to believe so strongly in one when my life was going great, but the closer I get to CTB, the more I am realizing that my consciousness is a byproduct of neurons firing in my brain, once I'm dead there will be no electricity in my brain, thus no consciousness or awareness of anything... The only thing I can think of is my energy will get recycled back into the universe somewhere, but I'll have no memory of "me", or know it even happened because I won't have a brain to even process that thought process. I find it amazing how our experiences and people that surround us develop our personality and sense of "self", but this depressive episode I've been in has kind of made me lose touch with that and all I want to do is sleep and be in that unconscious state, it's like there is no "me" anymore. I can barely recall my dreams anymore, just my brain trying to fill in the gaps and experience something? I feel numb. I simply just do not want to exist anymore, there is nothing more I want to experience, my brain is just a machine constantly seeking dopamine and wasting resources. I am bored. I want out of this monkey body and to disappear into oblivion. I wouldn't mind reincarnating and being a kid again though, at this point my body is just disengaging and the peak of my life is over, I do not want to exist with this existential boredom for another 50 years.
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