Discussion The more knowledge, the less courage?

[binino]

I've been on this forum for about a month now, I think. I've been researching methods a lot, and what I'm most inclined to try is hanging. Maybe total or partial. I have everything I need, including the most important thing: time alone so that no one finds me and tries to save me...

But here comes a bit of reflection, and I wanted your opinion...

Before I knew more about how the methods work (whether hanging or others), I had more "courage." I kind of just thought, "I'll grab a rope, tie it around my neck, and to hell with it." But now, after knowing exactly what to do, it seems I have less courage.

And when I stop to analyze the people who have hanged themselves, the vast majority of them didn't know if it would work or not... they didn't know 100% the location of their carotid arteries, etc. They simply hanged themselves, end of story.

Could all this knowledge be what often takes away our courage, or is it just something in my head?

I'd like your opinion

 

[chaoschuckler]

Ignorance is bliss indeed

 

[alstroemeria55]

Overthinking and delaying gives you more time to rethink your choices and worry whether you're actually doing things right. I don't know if there are statistics for impulsive vs. thought out suicides, which are more successful, but I feel like you're more likely to succeed if you "just do it". And if you fail the first time... You know what not to do the next time, should there be a next time.
P.S. I hope this doesn't read as encouragement. I think it's just like anything we're afraid to do. Ripping off that bandaid.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think you have a good point. I'm kind of not over- researching SN- if that makes sense? While I obviously want to double check the protocols etc, I think if I start reading up on multiple failed attempts or watching attempts- I believe there are videos here and there- I may end up scaring myself off.

My general approach in life has been a reasonable amount of research and then, follow my heart. I think the same approach to my death may be best.

 

[lpdsvm]

I think it's because it stops sounding simple. Long instructions that mention risks if failed or even just trying it out to see if it works. FSH has little risks though unlike partial. Or the urge to CTB is not there anymore because it's not the time to do it yet. The method(s) - found. No real circumstances to do it yet. Or they just didn't think about it as a whole picture at the time. They know they tie a knot - one separate job. Every step is treated as a separate job. In other words - a big task is split into many small ones. Good for many things.

 

[binino]

I think it's because it stops sounding simple. Long instructions that mention risks if failed or even just trying it out to see if it works. FSH has little risks though unlike partial. Or the urge to CTB is not there anymore because it's not the time to do it yet. The method(s) - found. No real circumstances to do it yet. Or they just didn't think about it as a whole picture at the time. They know they tie a knot - one separate job. Every step is treated as a separate job. In other words - a big task is split into many small ones. Good for many things.

It's something to really think about... maybe it's not the right time yet (for me, in my case). I fluctuate a lot here; there are times of the day when I think, "You know what, screw it, I'm going to do it."

And there are times when I think that I know what I do will affect some people. That's the only thing that still manages to stop me a little.

But I'm really one step away from preparing everything on a day when I'm alone, simply getting drunk and doing it.

I think you have a good point. I'm kind of not over- researching SN- if that makes sense? While I obviously want to double check the protocols etc, I think if I start reading up on multiple failed attempts or watching attempts- I believe there are videos here and there- I may end up scaring myself off.

My general approach in life has been a reasonable amount of research and then, follow my heart. I think the same approach to my death may be best.

What I noticed that made me more "courageous" on a day when I was doing some tests here was alcohol.

I've seen both opinions: people saying that drinking isn't recommended (I don't know why),

and people saying that drinking will help reduce anxiety, reduce fear, help with impulse control, and even numb it in a way.

Ignorance is bliss indeed

I can say that on the day I was in agony at its peak and when the feeling of "I'm going to kill myself" hit me,

on that specific day, if I had had a strong rope, I would have tied it anyway and actually tried! (It might have gone wrong or not... I don't know... but on that specific day, it was the lack of proper equipment that prevented me).

I tried to tie some sheets in a somewhat amateurish way, but I didn't know how and it always didn't work.

The knot came undone every time.

What I can conclude is: impulse and lack of knowledge really drove me further. And now that I understand PERFECTLY how I have to do it, I feel less courageous....

 

[lpdsvm]

It's something to really think about... maybe it's not the right time yet (for me, in my case). I fluctuate a lot here; there are times of the day when I think, "You know what, screw it, I'm going to do it."

And there are times when I think that I know what I do will affect some people. That's the only thing that still manages to stop me a little.

But I'm really one step away from preparing everything on a day when I'm alone, simply getting drunk and doing it.

I made a list of reasons to qualify for my great "free visa" exit (I remember it well I didn't need to write it) if it checks out then I will do it too. Now I kinda want to CTB too, but it's OK for now, no reasons yet but feeling soon there could be.

 

[Forveleth]

I find knowledge is power. I used to be terrified of ants until I watched a few documentaries on them. Now I find them fascinating.

It is the same when it comes to death and dying. I want to know exactly how my method works, what the risks are, how to minimize them, the chances of failure, etc. Not knowing means variables i can not plan for or control.

I've seen both opinions: people saying that drinking isn't recommended (I don't know why),

For some methods, like SN, you want an empty stomach. Drinking alcohol can increase the risk of vomiting which can then lead to attempt failure. Alcohol also decreases coordination which may make performing a method more difficult if not impossible. Some people are fine with a few drinks however. It is highly dependent on a number of variables on a case-by-case basis.

 

[binino]

I find knowledge is power. I used to be terrified of ants until I watched a few documentaries on them. Now I find them fascinating.

It is the same when it comes to death and dying. I want to know exactly how my method works, what the risks are, how to minimize them, the chances of failure, etc. Not knowing means variables i can not plan for or control.


For some methods, like SN, you want an empty stomach. Drinking alcohol can increase the risk of vomiting which can then lead to attempt failure. Alcohol also decreases coordination which may make performing a method more difficult if not impossible. Some people are fine with a few drinks however. It is highly dependent on a number of variables on a case-by-case basis.

I thought about that too. An intoxicated person might do things wrong due to lack of coordination, and if they're doing something based on medication, then vomiting will definitely interfere.

In my case, alcohol acts more as an anxiety control and somehow it unlocks some impulse that my survival instinct won't allow.

 

[sourcherry]

Before I knew more about how the methods work (whether hanging or others), I had more "courage." I kind of just thought, "I'll grab a rope, tie it around my neck, and to hell with it." But now, after knowing exactly what to do, it seems I have less courage.

i think this is normal. we tend to underestimate how much it takes to die. some people get it right the first time, some people don't. i browse through watchpeopledie.com every so often for research. it isnt the gore that bothers me but more so how unlucky some people are that couldn't die immediately.

 

[binino]

i think this is normal. we tend to underestimate how much it takes to die. some people get it right the first time, some people don't. i browse through watchpeopledie.com every so often for research. it isnt the gore that bothers me but more so how unlucky some people are that couldn't die immediately.

I think that's why when I do it, I'll do it by hanging. A well-tied tree knot, a firm place to support my weight, is enough to succeed. I have a colleague who jumped from the fourth floor of a building. He didn't die, but he was left with speech and gait impairment. That's something I definitely don't want for myself. I'd rather have an agonizing death than live with the failure of the attempt and the resulting consequences.

 

[sourcherry]

I think that's why when I do it, I'll do it by hanging. A well-tied tree knot, a firm place to support my weight, is enough to succeed. I have a colleague who jumped from the fourth floor of a building. He didn't die, but he was left with speech and gait impairment. That's something I definitely don't want for myself. I'd rather have an agonizing death than live with the failure of the attempt and the resulting consequences.

100% agreed

 

[ladidabi]

I think that's why when I do it, I'll do it by hanging. A well-tied tree knot, a firm place to support my weight, is enough to succeed. I have a colleague who jumped from the fourth floor of a building. He didn't die, but he was left with speech and gait impairment. That's something I definitely don't want for myself. I'd rather have an agonizing death than live with the failure of the attempt and the resulting consequences.

A single failed attempt is already too much. With the real number being significantly higher, and many of them not only being failed, but give life-long disabilities, and you lose your ability to have bodily autonomy. Can't even ctb even if you wanted to if the consequences affect motoric part. Wether it's hanging, overdose, jumping, shooting oneself, it all has it's risks, and even if you follow the directions the best you can, there is always a chance it will horribly fail.

Maybe some of it is from me overthinking, but it makes it hard to ctb solely for the fact that I don't want to survive. At least in my country a DNR is non-existent in any context, so if you're found by medical, they will do everything in their power to get you out of it. It's very scary. My previous failed attempts have all been impulsive but somehow not done any damage to my body and brain, maybe i'm made of steel internally or something, but there is always a risk where i might not be so lucky to get out of a failed attempt whole. My attempts have all been pathetic to say the least in terms of execution and method though. I want to ctb with SN, and have everything except for SN.. I keep procrastinating ordering in fear of being caught with it. There are risks to it too though, so I have some doubts I can take it in a planned setting..

 

[cowboypants]

For me, i don't think I could ever do the hanging method. I might not have found SN if i didn't research a lot. Now i have the assurance that i have even more choices besides SN. But i don't know if my hesitation to do it has changed. I feel like i don't care much in a way.

I just want it to be successful also don't want any discomfort. I'm just scared of dying alone more so. My mental health isn't at the best not on meds. My issues are mostly from that. Being in a new place etc. I have always found it difficult to sleep in hotels in recent years as my NEET years piled on. I probably just feel numb i have been wanting to do it for decades now.