Venting The irritation of always being the one who survives

[Doombox]

I had cancer. I made friends. One was an exuberant person I met at the radiation facility, just hilarious, who was about to retire and had big plans and a big family. Another one was an artist and passionate about life. They both had everything to live for. They are dead. Here I sit. I know there's no master plan at work, but it still grinds my gears. I wish I could give my life to either one of them. There used to be this BS about how people who have a bad attitude and are isolated are the ones who die of cancer. Nope. Here I sit. Still ticking. Forced to try to figure out how to take myself out. Sigh.

 

[FuneralCry]

I would die in place of someone who wants to live. This life is very unfair after all. It is sad how people who want to live die, yet many people are stuck here not wanting to exist. I wish that suicide was easier more than anything.

 

[EmptyFields]

I hate to say "I relate," because I was never terminally ill, but I know many people who have died from freak cases. My uncle, for instance, got a rare form of brain cancer in his cerebellum. Ate him to the bone in a month. I'd have traded places with him. Life does seem like a sick, ironic joke when it comes at certain people so fast and so slowly for others.

 

[Doombox]

I hate to say "I relate," because I was never terminally ill, but I know many people who have died from freak cases. My uncle, for instance, got a rare form of brain cancer in his cerebellum. Ate him to the bone in a month. I'd have traded places with him. Life does seem like a sick, ironic joke when it comes at certain people so fast and so slowly for others.

Just to twist the screw, I'm considered essentially "cured." At this point the odds are almost nonexistent that the cancer will return. And this is a time when I would welcome it. Back when I agreed to treatment it seemed like I still had possible options in life. Now I look back and sigh.