Venting The impulsiveness finally struck

[falloutcarter13]

I just went to a real dark place in my head. I'm sitting here holding my bottle of SN, and its taking everything I've got to not go in the garage, make my suicide nest, mix up the poison, and leave this shitty world and fucked up body and brain behind forever. I have to leave letters for everybody, but right now I feel like saying fuck it, let them figure it out and let it be their problem.

Why can't I just get to a point where I don't give a shit anymore and just do it?
Enough procrastinating. I'm going to start on my letters tomorrow so the next time I feel like this, I can just do it and not worry about anything. I'm only still breathing out of habit, the last bad habit I need to quit. Absolutely no point in doing this anymore. I'm starting to think even the connections and bonds I'm making here are just my SI being sneaky and trying to make me stay a little longer.

 

[Deleted member 19276]

Si is a very powerful motivator and demotivator at the same time. The worst part is that it can drive a person to a much darker form of insanity eventually.
I would say you should attempt to go step by step with everything you plan and make sure it can not crush you down to a point you are on the floor crying and can not resume, nor go back.
Wishing you the best possible luck as always! The fight is a terrible one, with SI trying to pull you back, but at least I know you are doing your best.
Rather than that, the notes thing you wrote makes me feel sad towards what is going on, it made something click in my mind bad that a kind soul may not be with us one day, but after what they are attempting to do to you... It's perhaps for the best man.
Wishing you the best, you are epic! Just don't torture yourself over and over if SI keeps failing you on the couple of first tries and such. :( Sending hugs your way!

 

[I screwed up]

SI is a real bitch ... My SI is so bad I m scared to even go ahead and source my SN . I m a gutless chicken .. Damn SI

 

[esse_est_percipi]

SI is a real bitch ... My SI is so bad I m scared to even go ahead and source my SN . I m a gutless chicken .. Damn SI

Same, I don't even dare order any

I just went to a real dark place in my head. I'm sitting here holding my bottle of SN, and its taking everything I've got to not go in the garage, make my suicide nest, mix up the poison, and leave this shitty world and fucked up body and brain behind forever. I have to leave letters for everybody, but right now I feel like saying fuck it, let them figure it out and let it be their problem.

Why can't I just get to a point where I don't give a shit anymore and just do it?
Enough procrastinating. I'm going to start on my letters tomorrow so the next time I feel like this, I can just do it and not worry about anything. I'm only still breathing out of habit, the last bad habit I need to quit. Absolutely no point in doing this anymore. I'm starting to think even the connections and bonds I'm making here are just my SI being sneaky and trying to make me stay a little longer.

I don't feel there is anything productive I can say, apart from the fact that you have a place in my thoughts at the moment.

 

[falloutcarter13]

You can change your life and make it better, it takes time but it works out in the end. Do not commit suicide. Find faith in yourself and build upon it.

This is a pro-choice forum, you're not in the right place if this is your attitude and message. You only know your life and your attitude about life and death, projecting your views and attitudes on other people isn't helpful in the least.