The gravity of ctb just hit me

[Alcatraz_anthrax]

I am planning to ctb this week.
A few minutes ago my test scores came in. I hadn't been performing very good for the last few ones and I was worried about this one too.
I had made a promise to myself that I will do at least one thing that will make me proud of myself before I died.
I nailed the test. I couldn't believe it.
I hadn't really realised the magnitude of what I am about to do until it hit me that I had fulfilled the promise I made to myself, that the next step in my life was to just die.
It made me tear up. I looked around and thought about how much I would miss everything when I am gone.

I am not sure what this feeling is, but I feel guilty about leaving behind my family but at the same time, happy and content with my life.

 

[NoPointToContinue]

Why do you ctb, if you don't mind me asking?

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

At least you've done great on your test!!!! Just like you wanted!!! Congratulations!!! It's nice to feel something good before leaving. I'm really glad you made yourself proud!!!

 

[fox_wannabe]

I want to do this, in this week to. I think It doesn't hit me yet. I feel so apathic towards the world, like It is something that is not worth the bother.
The thought about my dad finding my body creeps me a bit so I am thinking about doing it in hotel.

 

[FuneralCry]

Well done on what you have achieved. I get that it is hard to comprehend and come to terms with not existing as this life is all we know. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.