The end is near?

[Chancerator]

Hello, SS. This is my first post. Not sure exactly what to say. I've been struggling for a really long time...and I think that my exit is rapidly approaching. I have the things I need to make a go of it (meto, prop, SN, etc). I guess that I wanted to feel a little less alone over the next few hours/days. Wishing you all well. Thanks for being here.

 

[The Lonely]

Welcome

 

[Apricity]

Hello, SS. This is my first post. Not sure exactly what to say. I've been struggling for a really long time...and I think that my exit is rapidly approaching. I have the things I need to make a go of it (meto, prop, SN, etc). I guess that I wanted to feel a little less alone over the next few hours/days. Wishing you all well. Thanks for being here.

May i ask what brought you to this decision?

 

[Chancerator]

May i ask what brought you to this decision?

I've been struggling with bipolar disorder for about 15 years. I've made a pretty good run of it. I have the career I always wanted...and I have a generally nice spouse...and I've found a med combination that keeps me "stable enough." But most of my life has been spent trying to pretend that I'm not in constant emotional pain....and I feel like my moods end up hurting those around me. I think that I'm just tired of the struggle. I'm completely drained. I feel like I've done a pretty good job at life, given my circumstances, and I'm ready to move on. Unfortunately, it's not something you can talk about with most people. Wishing that physician assisted death was an option.

 

[tabletop]

Was the question mark at the end of "The End is Near?" intentional?

 

[Apricity]

I've been struggling with bipolar disorder for about 15 years. I've made a pretty good run of it. I have the career I always wanted...and I have a generally nice spouse...and I've found a med combination that keeps me "stable enough." But most of my life has been spent trying to pretend that I'm not in constant emotional pain....and I feel like my moods end up hurting those around me. I think that I'm just tired of the struggle. I'm completely drained. I feel like I've done a pretty good job at life, given my circumstances, and I'm ready to move on. Unfortunately, it's not something you can talk about with most people. Wishing that physician assisted death was an option.

Not trying to minimize your feelings, and mean no offense, but you're doing a hell of a lot better than I am. I've been dealing with bipolar disorder for quite a long time as well, but i just recently lost my job (i hated it, but still) and my wife cheated on me.

It seems like other than your mood, you're doing well. If your mood is the main thing bothering you, maybe it's time to try something new? I've found that Trileptal works great for me when I actually stay on it.

Hopefully I didn't offend you. I apologize if I did, I just want you to know that there are people out there (like me) that would love to have what you have.

 

[Chancerator]

Was the question mark at the end of "The End is Near?" intentional?

I've had my SN for a few weeks now...I keep setting a date to CTB and then chickening out. So, the end feels very near....but I know there's a good chance that my SI will kick in (yet again). Hence the question mark.

 

[FuneralCry]

Welcome. I understand it is hard to carry on when you are so tired of existing. I'm sorry you are suffering. I also wish euthanasia was an option, we deserve an peaceful exit on our own terms. I hope you find the peace that you are looking for.

 

[Chancerator]

Not trying to minimize your feelings, and mean no offense, but you're doing a hell of a lot better than I am. I've been dealing with bipolar disorder for quite a long time as well, but i just recently lost my job (i hated it, but still) and my wife cheated on me.

It seems like other than your mood, you're doing well. If your mood is the main thing bothering you, maybe it's time to try something new? I've found that Trileptal works great for me when I actually stay on it.

Hopefully I didn't offend you. I apologize if I did, I just want you to know that there are people out there (like me) that would love to have what you have.

No offense taken! I'm definitely struggling to figure out whether or not I should CTB. On the one hand, you're right. I'm doing pretty well on the surface. But, idk, there's a whole lot of icky-ness beneath the surface. I have my dream career, but I've found that I absolutely hate it. It drains me in the worst possible ways, but I feel kind of stuck with it right now. I have a loving spouse, but there's also something really fucked up about our dynamic together. (My self-esteem has dwindled sharply after 3 yrs of marriage). And, idk, I feel like I'm 34 going on 83. I've used up all my grit and energy getting to where I am...I feel like I have nothing left to fix the current problems that are cropping up. I know I should apply for new jobs and go to marriage counseling and exercise more and talk to my pscyh....but all of that just feels so exhausting. At any rate, I really appreciate your perspective. Sometimes my low moods make me forget that I have a lot to work with here. And I'm so sorry about your experience with bipolar. It is a brutal fucking disease. Hats off to you for being here and connecting. Your reply definitely made me feel a little less alone ;)

Welcome. I understand it is hard to carry on when you are so tired of existing. I'm sorry you are suffering. I also wish euthanasia was an option, we deserve an peaceful exit on our own terms. I hope you find the peace that you are looking for.

Thanks, FuneralCry. I've felt so isolated as of late...your kind words really warm my heart. I hope you find some peace, too. You deserve it.