my SN is set to arrive in a few days. my plan has been to hold off until after christmas so i can give my family their last holiday with me. but i don't know if i can make it that long. i just want to leave. i don't want to keep waiting. and the longer i wait the more likely it is that someone will find out my plan and interrupt it. i don't know that i can hold out until my date
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MiseryLovesMyCompany
Arcanist
- Oct 8, 2020
- 482
Neither do I feel that I can hold on much longer. If you want to stick to that date I'm not sure that I can give much advice. My plan for surviving today is going to the store on my way home to buy a bunch of tasty stuff. Maybe I'll OD on chocolate and chips.
my plan for today is to get through school and work and then go right to bed. except i've developed insomnia so "going to bed" means laying in bed watching suicide short films on youtube and researching SN
MiseryLovesMyCompany
Arcanist
- Oct 8, 2020
- 482
Yeah insomnia is a funny thing. I feel you.
Researching suicide methods is actually great to pass the time, though I pretty much know what I need to now.
i do too but i will think about it so long that i start to overthink it and come up with improbable scenarios that i need to plan for. my biggest thing is also preparing myself for the discomfort i may feel, my heart pounding gives me a lot of anxiety so i need to mentally prepare for that part
MiseryLovesMyCompany
Arcanist
- Oct 8, 2020
- 482
That troubles me as well, having no access for meds against it is unfortunate. What brings me comfort is that my brain will have too little oxygen to fully comprehend what's going on.
it comforts me to know how quickly consciousness will be lostI think it's very brave to SN, I'm a bit scared of it, I don't think it's a pleasant way to go at all based on the physiology and reports I've read. Nonetheless I've been practicing partial hanging and it's scary too but it's all I have.
You don't need to wait til Christmas. Time doesn't matter. Only your feelings.
i'm a little bit scared as well but i've already attempted hanging and drowning/hypothermia before and survived them with no damage so i don't feel any hope that they'll work for me. i just keep telling myself it's 20 minutes of pain for a lifetime of peace
Yeah. It will not feel good in your body for a bit. But you will fall asleep eventually.
i'm hoping the discomfort will be minima enough to simply make me nervous but not enough to make me chicken out and call for help. i'll just keep telling myself its only 20 minutes and then it's over
MiseryLovesMyCompany
Arcanist
- Oct 8, 2020
- 482
If you want to make sure you'll go through with it just place your phone further from you. You won't be able to get to it after a while.
i never thought of that, that's smart. maybe i'll just use my ipad and put some headphones in to listen to music and leave my phone away from meSimilar threads
