Venting The Bus is Coming Early + Concerns

[foreverbroken28]

(This is not a Goodbye thread.)

To make a long story short, I got into some trouble since last time I was here & things are only about to get worse for a number of reasons.

I already suffer from BPD, Bipolar, severe Anxiety & etc. I'm useless in a world like this and I'm too unstable to thrive without being able to afford therapy.

The bus was scheduled to come at the end of the year but now the bus driver is telling me to call him as soon as I get my olanzapine from the doctor.

I already have SN & I can easily get the other stuff within a matter of days. The disclaimer on this site about government reading emails & etc doesn't help matters, either.

I've been so grateful for this site. I don't wanna stick around to see the time it no longer exists. There's more humanity on this site than any place else in the world as far as I'm concerned.

As soon as I get the olanzapine, I'm stepping up and heading into the unknown.

There is NO CHANCE of me being found. I am known to regularly leave my door locked and I'm left alone for hours before I'm spoken to. I'm certain this is what I want and no amount of pity, attention, nor coddling will help it. I'm already gone on the inside.

I have a few concerns:

1. I want to document my experience as I do the regime so that I won't feel alone and so other members will considering the same method will have more insight. (I know there is enough here but the more the better, imo.)

Q. How would I do that without leaving the site open after I pass? Someone will find it on my browser?

2. I am certain my death would be on the news. LE have a way of finding certain things out and I'm paranoid they may find the site, somehow.

I don't want this site being blamed for anything and I want to make myself extremely clear in my suicide note.

Q. Should I write a note about the site defending it, or should I leave it out of my note?

Sorry for ranting. This will be my last thread until my Goodbye thread. I have nothing of any value left to say where a thread would be necessary.

It is what it is.

 

[Yomyom]

I know that to the members of exit international that sn is there method they send a special phone that records everything and upload it to a cloud so they will study the reaction

 

[faust]

Hello, the combination of your mental illnesses is catastrophic tbh.
Olanzapine is useful because you may not need any other antiemetics.
If you want to document your experience, there might be some volunteers to make a video call and record all the steps. I am not a good candidate though, I may oversleep everything.
It is not necessary to mention anything about the website, to avoid any possible issues you can google how to delete all the traces of browser and since then use only Tor for SS. If it is a portable device, you can now do a factory reset and start using it again but with Tor. You can even smash all the hard drives, do a factory reset of a phone and use the phone to make a call.

Edit: forgot about one thing. There are some programs which allow to restore all deleted data from your device. You can read a lil bit about that and annihilate the way data can be restored.