Hey everyone.
I live in a middle eastern country where I'm treated like a sub human. Needless to say, I wanted to leave this life with any means possible and finally I had the opportunity to do so. I got accepted into a university in Europe. I have all the paper work and finances sorted out but this country in Europe doesn't have an embassy where I live. So it's most likely that I will not end up going afterall.
My life here is terrible and I've wanted to cbt all my adult life. Finally when I had to chance to begin a life, an impossible hurdle represented itself as of life itself is saying fuck you to my face.
Worst of all is I have no one to confide with. I just feel like I'm going insane day by day. I have made to the decision to finally call it quits. I have failed at everything in my life. My job, romance, friendships. I'm just a miserable selfish bastard who's trying to make an impossible life work.
Yet even in my despair, I don't want to die. The thought of my leaving my mother like this kills me. I want for this to workout so badly with all my heart so my family doesn't have to deal with my mess. And I want to live too. I want to be happy, enjoy the soft breeze of the sun, the clear air, the amazing sounds of nature. I realized life has so much to offer. All these thoughts came to as I was listening to Bach's prelude in C major. Simple but divine. Yet I know that non of that will be coming my way. What's coming my way is certain doom no matter how much I want to be otherwise.
I don't know what to do. The anxiety just keeps crushing me everyday. I wish with all my heart that things were different. I really do.
I live in a middle eastern country where I'm treated like a sub human. Needless to say, I wanted to leave this life with any means possible and finally I had the opportunity to do so. I got accepted into a university in Europe. I have all the paper work and finances sorted out but this country in Europe doesn't have an embassy where I live. So it's most likely that I will not end up going afterall.
My life here is terrible and I've wanted to cbt all my adult life. Finally when I had to chance to begin a life, an impossible hurdle represented itself as of life itself is saying fuck you to my face.
Worst of all is I have no one to confide with. I just feel like I'm going insane day by day. I have made to the decision to finally call it quits. I have failed at everything in my life. My job, romance, friendships. I'm just a miserable selfish bastard who's trying to make an impossible life work.
Yet even in my despair, I don't want to die. The thought of my leaving my mother like this kills me. I want for this to workout so badly with all my heart so my family doesn't have to deal with my mess. And I want to live too. I want to be happy, enjoy the soft breeze of the sun, the clear air, the amazing sounds of nature. I realized life has so much to offer. All these thoughts came to as I was listening to Bach's prelude in C major. Simple but divine. Yet I know that non of that will be coming my way. What's coming my way is certain doom no matter how much I want to be otherwise.
I don't know what to do. The anxiety just keeps crushing me everyday. I wish with all my heart that things were different. I really do.
