itsraining
Sleep With A Baseball Bat
- May 18, 2023
- 66
I don't think I was meant to keep living. Last year was a good year for me but this year is absolutely awful. I'm trans and things are getting worse. All my ols friends that i considered my family fucking hate me bwcause i cheated on my partner (totally valid reaction btw im not saying they're wrong). I'm a blight pn this world that needs to be extinguished and every time i feel as if I've found a sanctuary I tear it apart with my own hands. I genuinely hate myself so much. I know I need to choose to love myself but I just can't. How can I choose to be satisfied lying in bed with my own worst enemy, myself? How can I look around me and see people who have parents that love them unconditionally, have lifelong friends, connections, and know how to act proper and kind while it's all so far out of reach for me? I hate it. I don't think I can stomach feeling alone all the time. I just want to die. I want everyone I've hurt to feel relief that I'm gone. I wish I has made different and better choices that didn't limit my future but I'm stuck in this body until I free myself. I just wish I'd die. I thought things would get better when I was 30 (the golden years everyone talks about) but im just as miserable if not MORE because I'm stuck with myself. It'a a fucking scam. I hate it here. I wish I'd just get pushed over the edge to finally fucking do it so I don't have to suffer inside my mind, body, and soul. I'm fucking rotten. Someone please help me reach the morivation to take the fucking plunge.
