Story The Abandon c.b. Party

[Deleted member 18655]

I have major abandonment issues - parents, relatives, friends, mentors, etc. - and I have this image every so often of a party. Everyone who's ever hurt me packed into a room and mingling. The topic: "yeah, I hurt her too," sort of a celebration of sh*tting on me, comparing notes on how horrible I am and how dropping me was justified. They share the reasons but I never get to know. The room is packed when I picture it. Years and years worth of hurt - people who have left me, cheated on me, betrayed me, just decided I'm not worth it. I've had this image since I was about 8. I remember thinking about it in primary school. I'm not sure if there's a place big enough to hold that many people.

I'm shaking today from memories. The propranolol can't erase the memories or stop the shaking today.

/pity_party

 

[Life_and_Death]

yeah i get it. sometimes it seems like not much can stop you from remembering the things youd rather forget

 

[Deleted member 18655]

Thanks to the COVID Fairy taking my job and everyone in my life, I have all the time in the world to remember.

 

[Life_and_Death]

dissociation. my thoughts make their own time lol

 

[Deleted member 18655]

dissociation. my thoughts make their own time lol

This word has become the bane of my existence. I actually got a GP today (after waiting a year!) and he's also a psychotherapist, very familiar with DID-NOS. We have a long meeting next week, the same week I begin my trauma workshop. Consider me switched off and disocciated for the next 15 weeks, if I make it that long!