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How bad would your life need to get in order to go through with it?

  • Homelessness

    Votes: 1 14.3%
  • Chronic health issues

    Votes: 1 14.3%
  • Everybody in life cutting you off

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Financial ruin

    Votes: 2 28.6%
  • Acute onset of incurable "mental illness"

    Votes: 3 42.9%

  • Total voters
    7
jackie_boy1337

jackie_boy1337

Member
Nov 5, 2022
77
Hello,

Looks like I've finally made it to a point where I'm on this website.
I am 27 years old and a citizen of the United States, and have recently undergone a series of health issues that have left me contacting various right-to-die groups overseas- which absolutely nothing has come from.

Last year I had a heart attack/minor stroke, caused by chronic insomnia, that was not treated by medical personnel.

The accute insomnia left me lying awake for 3-5 days at a time since October 2021 and I was told repeatedly by medical personnel to "fix the stress in my life" and my insomnia would disappear.
During this period of time, I started experiencing severe muscle contractions in my spine every time I'd start to fall asleep; and now that my sleep has evened out I've been experiencing what I can only describe as daily "micro strokes" during my waking hours for the past 6 months.

The day of the initial heart attack/stroke, I called an ambulance on myself at work, and ER staff refused to do an EKG, telling me there was no way I was having a heart attack because it was obviously a panic attack and an EKG wasn't necessary.

The heart attack has led to the development of multiple physical health problems, including fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, severe tinitis and I now hear "chatter chatter" of constant conversation EVERYWHERE I go.

The chitter chatter has been written of as schizophrenia by multiple medical professionals, even though any medication they've given me hasn't helped at all (and I don't think it's an organic issue, but that's not a discussion for this site.)
I had to quit my decent job and lose my health insurance because of my symptoms. Since then I've been unable to hold employment long enough anywhere for health benefits and because of our broken public services system in our country, I dont qualify for health benefits, disability or any other form of public assistance.

Keep in mind, Summer of 2021 I was perfectly healthy with no health issues to speak of.

I have one family member with limited resources who has agreed to help me, but I'm sure that assistance will have an expiration date too.

My attempts at a medical malpractice lawsuit against the hospital have been denied and my symptoms have become unbearable to the point that I just lay in bed all day, every day.
I have considered all my options and made the personal and difficult decision that some form of suicide is the most realistic option for my circumstances.

Since assisted suicide is widely criminalized in the US and foreign groups refuse to help, I'm stuck sifting through various (but all pretty equally unsavory) methods of ending my own life.
It isnt fair to anybody else to have to deal with the negative effects of my health issues; and quite frankly I'm beyond exhausted by the constant struggling, stress and physical pain.

With that being said, has anyone heard of anyone using Tetrahydrozoline to end their own life?
I know it can induce a heart attack in large amounts, and I figure my chances of having a second heart attack are a lot bigger since I've already had one.
 
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ge0rge

ge0rge

the satanic mechanic
Jul 29, 2018
659
was the first heart attack actually medically diagnosed? it's a bit off topic, but I'm just curious.
 
jackie_boy1337

jackie_boy1337

Member
Nov 5, 2022
77
was the first heart attack actually medically diagnosed? it's a bit off topic, but I'm just curious.

I went to the ER the second I felt the initial, typical symptoms of a heart attack and they refused to even rule heart attack out... said it just wasn't possible (which actually isn't true considering the long term insomnia)

Then I spent the next 3 months bed-ridden dealing with exhaustion from simple things like walking to bathroom.

Short answer: no. The ER doctors refused to investigate my claims as symptoms of a heart attack.
 
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Sick of it all

It's only a matter of time and I'm running out
Aug 17, 2022
214
This would be an interesting way to go. Seems too easy though. I'd be afraid of going into a coma before dying. Apparently it doesn't take much to OD on. Maybe mixing it with booze would help push one over the edge.

Sorry to hear about your health issues. As someone who deals with insomnia I wasn't aware of the negative health concerns such as stroke/heart attack. Thanks for the information.
 
jackie_boy1337

jackie_boy1337

Member
Nov 5, 2022
77
This would be an interesting way to go. Seems too easy though. I'd be afraid of going into a coma before dying. Apparently it doesn't take much to OD on. Maybe mixing it with booze would help push one over the edge.

Sorry to hear about your health issues. As someone who deals with insomnia I wasn't aware of the negative health concerns such as stroke/heart attack. Thanks for the information.

I was thinking about some sort of high-proof booze too.

Yeah, insomnia is no joke.
I figured I'd just tire myself out eventually, and that my brain would force itself to shut down but that didn't happen until my body had enough and I started to shut down physically.

If I would've known that, I would've sought help for the insomnia a whole lot sooner.

But unfortunately, "too little, too late" seems to be a common recurring theme.
 
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