Teetering on the edge of homelessness

[eternalmelancholy]

I am at a crossroads ATM. I am headed towards homelessness but I still have some time to turn it all around. It would require A LOT of effort though. I am not sure if I have the willpower to do this. My survival instinct is screaming at me to do something about it.

In the back of my mind I think I am trying to get myself in a position to finally CTB. I always said I would CTB before I became homeless. The problem is if I can't go through with it, then I would be royally fucked. I don't have the resourcefulness to bounce back from homelessness. The streets would take me. I am having a mental breakdown over all the possibilities right now.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Its tough spot to be in. I say do your best not to end up homeless

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Its tough spot to be in. I say do your best not to end up homeless

I guess I have always just stood by and let life happen to me. The logical conclusion was either institutionalization or homelessness. Since I was always expecting this to happen, I think my sense of urgency has not kicked in.

I know in my head I need to do everything I can to avoid becoming homeless. But there is this small voice telling me just let it happen. What is the point of struggling so hard for a life you don't even want.

 

[Sk3le]

Im in the same situation, Lost My job and know i have Money left for other 8 maybe ten months if i cut all the expense. After then if i dont find a job ill be a homeless. I have to die before i reach that Point At all cost

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Im in the same situation, Lost My job and know i have Money left for other 8 maybe ten months if i cut all the expense. After then if i dont find a job ill be a homeless. I have to die before i reach that Point At all cost

I have a fraction of that time. I know it can be done if I get off my ass ASAP. But I've known for a while now what was going to happen. You are me 6 months ago. With each passing week it will get harder and harder to do something about it.

 

[Bone]

I was homeless for about 2 months earlier this year. Fuck that shit. It was awful (in dangerous east coast USA areas.) Had a good enough life before all this mental health stuff happened, get me outta here ASAP.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Yeah, if you're not resourceful or don't have an extremely tough mental fortitude, I would do anything to avoid it. It's rigorous shit. Especially mentally.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I was homeless for about 2 months earlier this year. Fuck that shit. It was awful (in dangerous east coast USA areas.) Had a good enough life before all this mental health stuff happened, get me outta here ASAP.

How did you survive? I always told myself I would ctb before it got to that point. But look at all the people who said the same thing living in the streets. I am not resourceful enough to survive the streets. I know I will die in agony.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

OP IF you ever decide on it, I can share tips, but without some kind of income, it will be a really rough go.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

OP IF you ever decide on it, I can share tips, but without some kind of income, it will be a really rough go.

I think this is one of those I'll cross the bridge when I get to it deals. I don't want to preplan my homelessness when I am trying to actively ctb. I don't need more excuses to bail out of attempts.

But a few tips would be very interesting to read if you have the time.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Wellllll

If you can, find an area to sleep around that's:

A) Hidden well
B) Not too near some place with a lot of activity. The less the better.
C) A place with a water spigot, (for filling gallon jugs for bathing and drinking if need be,) and hopefully an electrical outlet that works.
D) Portable battery chargers, ( yes, plural,) for your phone. This is your lifeline in more ways than one.

If I remember other things I will share, but these basics help a fuck of a lot. Oh, and if you can find an abandoned structure that provides at least some protection from the elements and is uninhabited, all the better. Start scoping out potential places if you know it might happen. Best to plan this shit if possible.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Wellllll

If you can, find an area to sleep around that's:

A) Hidden well
B) Not too near some place with a lot of activity. The less the better.
C) A place with a water spigot, (for filling gallon jugs for bathing and drinking if need be,) and hopefully an electrical outlet that works.
D) Portable battery chargers, ( yes, plural,) for your phone. This is your lifeline in more ways than one.

If I remember other things I will share, but these basics help a fuck of a lot. Oh, and if you can find an abandoned structure that provides at least some protection from the elements and is uninhabited, all the better. Start scoping out potential places if you know it might happen. Best to plan this shit if possible.

Some valuable tips. Thanks. The most common advice I hear is to stay away from other homeless people. Makes sense since you know how desperate they are as well. Can't be too careful.

 

[Bone]

How did you survive? I always told myself I would ctb before it got to that point. But look at all the people who said the same thing living in the streets. I am not resourceful enough to survive the streets. I know I will die in agony.

i was actively psychotic and manic as hell. no way id survive now. nor do i want to. SN to the rescue.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

i was actively psychotic and manic as hell. no way id survive now. nor do i want to. SN to the rescue.

I can't even imagine the dehumanizing feeling of trying to survive on the streets. I always thought it would never happen to me and that I would ctb before it came to that. Yet here I am. Life always finds a way.

 

[Bone]

How did you survive? I always told myself I would ctb before it got to that point. But look at all the people who said the same thing living in the streets. I am not resourceful enough to survive the streets. I know I will die in agony.

tbh bro i was raised sheltered as hell. wasnt cut out for living on the streets. i ended up getting robbed multiple times and saw guns and knives on more than one occasion. every day was a scary time finding a place to stay, my feet got wet and i had trouble finding socks, i literally had my phone stolen by someone who offered to charge it. people lied to me, took things from me, nobody gives a fuck. its not a dignified way of living at all. eventually i got slightly better at it but not gonna go back to that ever again.

Some valuable tips. Thanks. The most common advice I hear is to stay away from other homeless people. Makes sense since you know how desperate they are as well. Can't be too careful.

these are all very good tips. i had to walk miles just to get water where i was staying at night. it was awful. electricity + water are key. and dry socks.

edit: also got punched and followed/stalked some. I dunno man. not a life for me. im sorry youre facing this.

 

[Rational man]

I am at a crossroads ATM. I am headed towards homelessness but I still have some time to turn it all around. It would require A LOT of effort though. I am not sure if I have the willpower to do this. My survival instinct is screaming at me to do something about it.

In the back of my mind I think I am trying to get myself in a position to finally CTB. I always said I would CTB before I became homeless. The problem is if I can't go through with it, then I would be royally fucked. I don't have the resourcefulness to bounce back from homelessness. The streets would take me. I am having a mental breakdown over all the possibilities right now.No

 

[eternalmelancholy]

tbh bro i was raised sheltered as hell. wasnt cut out for living on the streets. i ended up getting robbed multiple times and saw guns and knives on more than one occasion. every day was a scary time finding a place to stay, my feet got wet and i had trouble finding socks, i literally had my phone stolen by someone who offered to charge it. people lied to me, took things from me, nobody gives a fuck. its not a dignified way of living at all. eventually i got slightly better at it but not gonna go back to that ever again.

That sounds terrifying. How did you keep going? I would have broken down completely. The worst thing in this situation is inaction. I should either ctb or find a way to keep going. Doing nothing guarantees homelessness. Yet every week I just sit back trying not to think about it. I don't know what is wrong with me.

 

[Bone]

yep dude definitely do something, one of those two options. i only kept going because i was in a mental health crisis of my own at the time, believed govt and police were conspiring against me, biden/aliens/blah blah. none of it matters now. but thats how i kept going because i was delusional.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

yep dude definitely do something, one of those two options. i only kept going because i was in a mental health crisis of my own at the time, believed govt and police were conspiring against me, biden/aliens/blah blah. none of it matters now. but thats how i kept going because i was delusional.

I guess this is the ultimate test. Either I find a way to ctb, find reasons to live or end up homeless by my own apathy. I wish I could hit a pause button and think about this for longer.

 

[Bone]

well you can procure a method and sit on it until youre absolutely sure i guess. if you have a way outta that life do it. i had no way out and DEFINITELY no way out besides living at my parents' house

 

[ikadasui]

I say it's best to do your utmost not to end up homeless. I know at this stage even crawling out of bed is a struggle, but I think anything to prevent the streets would be far better. Who knows in doing so you may find some energy to give life another go too! I think our friend slow made some good points though that are also worth engaging in the event worse comes to play

 

[eternalmelancholy]

well you can procure a method and sit on it until youre absolutely sure i guess. if you have a way outta that life do it. i had no way out and DEFINITELY no way out besides living at my parents' house

I know I have to at least try. I know I will regret it if I don't do anything. But it is just so hard to even get through the day. This added stress and fear is paralyzing me.

I say it's best to do your utmost not to end up homeless. I know at this stage even crawling out of bed is a struggle, but I think anything to prevent the streets would be far better. Who knows in doing so you may find some energy to give life another go too! I think our friend slow made some good points though that are also worth engaging in the event worse comes to play

You are so right. I know if I keep doing nothing things will keep spiraling out of control. Planning for homelessness is something I never thought I would have to face. I am just so sick of it all. I don't know how long I can keep on going like this.

If pro-lifers actually knew the horrors we faced they would not try to prevent suicides. It just sucks so much we had to meet under these circumstances. There are so many of us suffering in silence.

 

[ShatteredReality]

The worst thing in this situation is inaction. I should either ctb or find a way to keep going.

It is the worst thing. But for my overwhelmed brain it has been the only thing I've been capable of. Constant dissociation and things getting worse.

Internally I scream to try and make it better by SI and logic but then overwhelmed with other negative feelings and then just have to zone out to not just rip my skin off in the moment. Repeat that enough day after day and suddenly it's months later , you're worse off, and you don't even remember the time passing.

 

[1lastchance]

Been down the homeless road before. It is not easy. Shelters can be a place for a meal but your belongings are not safe there. Libraries are another good option for some. And finding a reliable source of water is key. People through food away and are wasteful AF so food can sometimes be less of an issue at times. Though it depends on where you are. I wouldn't recommend uninhabited structures unless they're away from the main part of the city. And never stay in one place more than once. You should have multiple places to shelter. If you keep a routine and stick to certain areas people will watch you and take advantage of you. Don't trust anyone. Except the church's. They can be good people… some of them anyway. It's definitely a hard way of life. And I empathize with all who are in that situation. I'm one paycheck and a job loss away from that situation myself right now. I would dread to go back. However, I feel that will be the case with a lot of us in this country soon. I don't see this country turning back to its original roots any time soon. So at least we all can take comfort in the fact that we won't be the only ones in that situation. It's become a dog eat dog world out there now and things are only going to get harder for the majority of us. Especially the low income people. That is unless one decided to take as many government handouts one could take. But with the economy going in the direction that it is…. There won't be much handouts going on either. But who knows. The best any one can do is take each day as it comes. One day at a time.

 

[TriggerHappy]

Fuck fuck fuck :: worst time of my life.
Was working though, living in my car. Drugs.
Sold my body for food behind casino / sex strip.
There are psycho's out there. I'm tough (my family complain im too streetwise, but on coke/heroin you go a bit mad...) so I could take care of myself.
Do anything, fucking couch-surf, find a Christian haven (if you sober). You don't wanna be on the streets, trust me.
Every scratch gets infected, every person is an enemy, every illness is a death sentence. But you don't have the means to kill yourself.
Know what I mean and don't hear what I say.

 

[NextSummer]

If you get support (from state/family/friends?), like access to dry socks, washing machine, place to charge your phone, place to put some stuff, AND if there might be a way out, then think about it. I'd advise to sleep in your car, if that's possible. If you are totally on your own because neither the state, nor your surrounding cares, I feel like it's a very very unhuman society. I am myself thinking about ctb due to homelessness. I am living in a country where there is a little support system, so I am not sure. I also never would have expected to be in a situation where I have to be scared of being homeless. I wonder what pro-lifers say about homelessness: do they say endure it? Pretty heartless.

 

[Sk3le]

I have a fraction of that time. I know it can be done if I get off my ass ASAP. But I've known for a while now what was going to happen. You are me 6 months ago. With each passing week it will get harder and harder to do something about it.

I know but i live in a country with a shitty job market and plus im old (32), Im trying to apply as a food delivery with glovoo/justeat/deliveroo . I need to ctb before i finish the Money

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Ya all know what the saddest and most henious part of this thread is?

It's the fact that a lot of us either see homelessness as a immediate or highly potential future issue strong enough to invoke CTB. The fucked up part is is this is simply a microcosm of a problem that is MUCH larger than just this thread.

By this I mean, look at the number of people who responded to this thread with either knowledge of or statements on (potential) homelessness. Now, there are probably a good number of people on here who DIDN'T respond who face the same possible decision. (Suicide or homelessness). Now, take that number and add the potential number of people in the world who face this decision daily and things get fucking grim.....

 

[ClownMe]

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this @eternalmelancholy, ive always enjoyed reading your posts and ive always admired that you always keep it real. I've almost been out on the streets a few times, the thought is daunting. It's a cruel world out there.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I am at a crossroads ATM. I am headed towards homelessness but I still have some time to turn it all around. It would require A LOT of effort though. I am not sure if I have the willpower to do this. My survival instinct is screaming at me to do something about it.

In the back of my mind I think I am trying to get myself in a position to finally CTB. I always said I would CTB before I became homeless. The problem is if I can't go through with it, then I would be royally fucked. I don't have the resourcefulness to bounce back from homelessness. The streets would take me. I am having a mental breakdown over all the possibilities right now.

Homelessness is the worst hell. All the extreme tortures hit you at once starvation, dirtiness, cold temperature, loss of hope, no safety. You lose everything most people take for granted shelter, privacy, money , food, safety, shower, electricity, running clean water, refrigerator, available clean food, shower, and so on.

i felt the cold wind for like 1 minute without a jacket. extreme pain and torture. but i was able to go inside after 60 seconds. but that was really painful . i felt chilled to my bones even after inside and so bad while outside. people have no idea the extreme pain the body and brain can produce and how bad pain can be. the human body is so weak. the human body needs constant water,shelter from cold and heat, food, oxygen etc . it's so much trouble to maintain this bag of mostly water i'm trapped in.

i lost electrical power for a few days. It was so hot here couldn't take it . couldn't charge my phone. even more boring couldn't do anything. The only thing i had was more safety, a room to be protected in and privacy but the heat was unbearable and boredom was driving me crazy. Still had food and bottled water so i wasn't starving and thirsty though , but it was dark at night. . You don't know what you have until it's gone. homeless would be a trillion times worse than this nightmare of losing electricity was for me.

Homelessness you also lose the ability to ctb to escape no privacy etc. Prison too you can't ctb. So that's the 2 worst hells for me . Also a mental hospital you can't ctb .But maybe they let you out in a short time . But prison they could keep you for years or decades and homelessness you can't get out except if you can ctb but it makes it a million times harder. Now i have the golden opportunity to ctb i have to take it.

imo my SN literally is worth more than a trillion dollars . Even $500 billion won't help the richesst billionaires avoid alshiemers or old age and painful death from cancer or alshiemers as happened To Semel.