Suicide = Safe

[SuicIdiot]

You guys ever feel like the suicidal ideation comes in waves? But the danger is when the water is gone, not when you're drowning? I've lived so long as "the suicidal person", using it as a coping mechanism when everyone would leave and I felt alone. Now, even if I try to get better, I come back to the suicide plans and thoughts because it feels like home. It's not worrisome to me, it's familiar and safe. I know that's an oxymoron. I just don't know why I keep trying. I fantasize about ctb to make the heavy thoughts go away. I can breathe again. That doesn't really all make sense together, I think I'm just tired of everything.

 

[ICantFixThis]

yeah I feel this way a lot too. for me its like life is full of work and pain and I just want it to stop. if I were to die right now it would stop, and that idea is so tempting

 

[blackmoldonwall]

Same, actually. I feel way more at peace when i started having suicide as a background noise. Feel like if anything goes wrong it doesnt matter as i will CTB anyways. This was probably escalated by having a view that i will be inexistent much longer than being existent.

 

[Endisclose]

You guys ever feel like the suicidal ideation comes in waves? But the danger is when the water is gone, not when you're drowning? I've lived so long as "the suicidal person", using it as a coping mechanism when everyone would leave and I felt alone. Now, even if I try to get better, I come back to the suicide plans and thoughts because it feels like home. It's not worrisome to me, it's familiar and safe. I know that's an oxymoron. I just don't know why I keep trying. I fantasize about ctb to make the heavy thoughts go away. I can breathe again. That doesn't really all make sense together, I think I'm just tired of everything.

I read somewhere that anxiety in essence is the fear of death. From what I see, you have a way of dealing with that anxiety by familiarising yourself with death so that it does not remain something alien or unknown, but something that's predictable and within your control.

I guess it's ok as long as you're safe and take precautions. You don't wanna end up CTB'ing when you don't really want to..

 

[KnightOfSwords]

Same, it's like having a secret escape path from your apartment in case of something. Weirdly, now that I have sn and am able to catapult out of reality, I say yes to more opportunities in my life. It's like I don't have to worry anymore about whether these opportunities are worth taking or if I'd rather save up for something instead of this - I just don't think about those. Now I can pursue the goal of filling the void knowing I have the backup plan.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Having no options besides death really scares me, but I too find comfort in the idea of suicide. Knowing that I can just make the decision to quiet down all of the chaos in my mind feels nice.

 

[unluckysadness]

If suicidal ideation exist, it must be useful for the brain. And the brain just want us to survive. Paradoxically, suicidal ideation saves lives (just my opinion, I may be wrong).