suicide is my only way out

[thekidd2001]

hey everyone im new here
im 19 years old, 20 next month. i have severe OCD and depression. im also FTM transgender, my OCD has made it impossible to transition which is very annoying. i have a lot of stress on my to get good enough grades to get into a specific college program or i cant move out. ive been thinking about suicide a lot for the past couple of months i even attempted in april. i dont know why i havent done it yet i guess i havent completely given up yet. im so fucking sad all the time, i have no friends i hate my life im super suicidal everything is fucked im just suffering. when i think of death it excites me, nothingness..its wonderful its all i want but life as much as it sucks i believe is such a interesting and englightening expeirence, idk i guess im just so lost... i wanna stop doing OCD so bad its killing me. my ocd is the only reason i want to die....i feel like i cant stop its a terrible disease......im fucking screwed

 

[GnarlyWalnut32]

Brutal no reply pill. I am sorry OP you're not alone.

 

[Dear Agony]

Hey, I struggle with OCD and depression too. I first got diagnosed with severe OCD when I was 7, put on meds when I was 12. It has made my life completely unbearable. Every day I spend hours on my rituals, it's so exhausting. I wish I could just not do them, but I think everything will be worse if I don't. When I wake up I just wish I didn't because I know it will just be a day full of rituals up to the time I sleep... I've had phases where it was... not so bad. But all in all it's for sure my most debilitating mental illness.
Just know there's a way out of this. Meds helped me a lot honestly; I don't know the resources you have, but I'm here if you want to talk. It sounds like suicide for now is your plan B, you shouldn't do anything you're not sure of. Of course, it's up to each one of us what we do with our lives... But I know fully well what is to be in so much pain you try and run out of alternatives first.

 

[FuneralCry]

I often feel like suicide is the only way out for me too, I have always struggled with life, it can be very exhausting. I don't have ocd but I have heard about how debilitating it can be. I wish you well, it is hard when we feel we are in a hopeless situation.