pony No.2
Pony
- Oct 22, 2024
- 36
This Saturday night I will be attempting suicide in hopes I don't make it. I have been suicidal since 10 years old. And it's gotten particularly bad for the past 2 months, I have been having severe suicidal ideation for the past few weeks, and nothing but dying has been on my mind.
I keep thinking about the night I'm going to attempt to die on my own terms after realizing I don't want to live a life where I have to make money just to eat and make sure I'm healthy and paying for things I shouldn't have to. I don't want to live on a dying and polluted planet full of ignorant people, dying plants and animals, and awful irregular weather, and spend most my time working when that most likely won't cover groceries and monthly rent and a phone bill, or even hospital bills. I don't want to live in a world that relies on and revolves around money over quality of life and then wonders why people are depressed or suicidal. So many people in the US are on antidepressants, that says a lot about the system and the way society operates and its impact.
I've considered consuming hydrogen peroxide, bleach, and another one i forgot. I thought about taking all of them together and lying in bed to wait for it to work.
I realized that I have lots of antidepressants and ADHD meds lying about. I haven't taken them in months. Specifically Zoloft (sertraline) and Concerta, I want to consume the entire bottles that i have of these and hopefully die in my sleep. I could throw in some naproxen and Tylenol and Benadryl, and then add some of my moms pills.
If that doesn't work, then I'll go with the cleaning supplies method, which I think will cause severe internal bleeding but thats the point I guess, painful but effective. The damage will probably be too severe for doctors to replace my organs. I will keep everyone updated until then.
Despite not wanting to deal with coping and sticking around to see if it gets better, I think I'm gonna chicken out and only take the pills instead of consuming the cleaning supplies. The only thing that scares me about dying is if I'll be in pain or have lifelong issues and become disabled for the rest of a life I never asked for.
I keep thinking about the night I'm going to attempt to die on my own terms after realizing I don't want to live a life where I have to make money just to eat and make sure I'm healthy and paying for things I shouldn't have to. I don't want to live on a dying and polluted planet full of ignorant people, dying plants and animals, and awful irregular weather, and spend most my time working when that most likely won't cover groceries and monthly rent and a phone bill, or even hospital bills. I don't want to live in a world that relies on and revolves around money over quality of life and then wonders why people are depressed or suicidal. So many people in the US are on antidepressants, that says a lot about the system and the way society operates and its impact.
I've considered consuming hydrogen peroxide, bleach, and another one i forgot. I thought about taking all of them together and lying in bed to wait for it to work.
I realized that I have lots of antidepressants and ADHD meds lying about. I haven't taken them in months. Specifically Zoloft (sertraline) and Concerta, I want to consume the entire bottles that i have of these and hopefully die in my sleep. I could throw in some naproxen and Tylenol and Benadryl, and then add some of my moms pills.
If that doesn't work, then I'll go with the cleaning supplies method, which I think will cause severe internal bleeding but thats the point I guess, painful but effective. The damage will probably be too severe for doctors to replace my organs. I will keep everyone updated until then.
Despite not wanting to deal with coping and sticking around to see if it gets better, I think I'm gonna chicken out and only take the pills instead of consuming the cleaning supplies. The only thing that scares me about dying is if I'll be in pain or have lifelong issues and become disabled for the rest of a life I never asked for.
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