suicidal thoughts

[yearsandyears]

when you've spent a lot of your life alone, it's hard to believe that you will find any kind of community or relationship in the future. These days it feels like I am just living to survive, gaining weight, losing weight, subconsciously hoping that at least 1 person would want me in their life.

i could be successful in life, graduate from school, get a nice job, get promoted. but no one is really there for me or gives a shit. i guess when people have family, they are somewhat obligated to see their members accomplish these things. when i graduated from high school, my parents kept threatening not to come and that i would be really embarrassed in front of everyone. they really did not want to attend. when i graduated from college, i just did not attend the ceremony.

i don't even care if i become successful in the future, people could congratulate me, but no one would be proud. i am doing this all to survive.

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

Im sorry you feel that way. Life is definitely not easy. My life had many big ups and downs, from sad childhood depressive teenhood, and then life gave me hope. I had nice time for a short few years and then life reminded me how bad it gets. But it wasnt just bad, it got even worse then before.
All happiness was slowly crushed away, and now im back to being completely alone. 1 person i had left to bring me light and hope died recently and theres no way to fight my thoughts anymore.
It feels hopeless and misserable and i doubt it gets better.
I cant say anything that could maybe help you because i dont believe it myself anymore. Just survivng until clear path shows, preferably to that bus.
Good luck

 

[Arrow]

i could be successful in life, graduate from school, get a nice job, get promoted. but no one is really there for me or gives a shit.

pretty relatable. sometimes i have a lot of trouble finding a good reason to keep going when i know there's a 99.99% chance i'll die alone. guess i'll fill all this empty space with videogames.

 

[Sadkitty]

That's awful. I'm sorry your parents show you so little respect and love. I don't know the whole story but who can. But everyone deserves to be loved. Even if it's just by themselves.
I imagine you're still young based on your current life circumstances. There are so many opportunities to meet people who you can connect with. Family isn't always the people who raised you. Love is what matters and not all of us walked into it and we have to find it ourselves.
Just know that you are worthy. You are accomplished. You are strong. You don't need them. You can find a place in this world that sees who you are and what you're capable of and be proud.