Suicidal thoughts and alcohol

[SeekingSerenity]

Recently, I've been drinking a lot more. And in a way, it helps me feel better. In a way, it feels like alcohol is the only thing keeping me alive. Can anyone else relate?

 

[catsarecool]

Usually for me, I drink to escape my pain and it helps for a while when I'm getting drunk. But when I start sobering up the pain come back tenfold. Last time I got extremely drunk I ended up walking to the train station and just looking at the train tracks and wondering If I should just get it done with.

 

[BrugmansiaFreak]

Alcohol makes me sick in so many different ways. If I don't drink enough to blackout I can't sleep, and I seem to have 2 kinds of hangover: physical and psychological. The psychological hangover shadows me when I wake up even if I didn't drink too much, I wake up very anxious, so bad I just can't stand up out of my bed, rolling around, restless, agitated and desperate and trying to convince myself that, doesn''t matter what time is it, is better to everybody if I stay in my bed. Is very strange, it happened to me even without drink in my most anxious and suicidal seasons, is almost impossible get out of my bed.
For now I'm not having this problem because I'm taking meds and I'm not more anxious or sad than normally I guess, although I'm psychotic. I was like 2 years without thinking about death and suicide but recently it comes back and I'm leaving in some days, I hope I am successful this time.
Sorry for the outflow, I stumble on this because of the alcohol stuff.

 

[HeavensOpenDoor]

I have a dual diagnosis of mdd and bp on top of that I am an alcoholic. I don't drink anymore but when I did it just made shit worse. Alcohol is a depressant and while we might think it is helping us cope it is really doing more harm. I am clean now but my intent on ctb is still the same. I'm not gonna judge, you do whatever you will but I will say that alcohol does make life worse. You might want to consider going into a program if you feel it's out of control. Either way keep us posted!

 

[Sinai Silence]

I really can't drink that much so many negative emotions come up when I'm drunk, my dad and uncle are alcoholics so it never appeals to me to get wasted. I do enjoy a drink once in a while though. Last week I got to go to the pub for the first time since March a couple of days ago. I forgot how good draught beer was, brought a tear to my eye

 

[lonelyhouse]

I feel like I can only be myself when I'm intoxicated. I completely relate.

 

[dysfunctional]

Yes I drink alot. It probably makes my situation worse though.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Yes. I can relate. Alcohol helps but if you DO want to get out of this it's not the solution. You drink alcohol but next morning you will still have the same problems. It's not the way but for me is an escape from my reality. Makes me feel good. And I know it's bad but what can I do....

 

[ritsulover]

I've been drinking this whole week and mixing klonopin or lorazepam with it. Been fun but when im sobered up im back to my suicidal self.

 

[Fullof pain]

Alcohol for me makes me even more depressed and destroys my impulse control. It makes me do really stupid things, well even more stupid than normal ! So I try to avoid it, but every now and then it is a great release.

 

[GravityUtilizer]

every now and then it is a great release

This is key, I think.

 

[SeekingSerenity]

I have a dual diagnosis of mdd and bp on top of that I am an alcoholic. I don't drink anymore but when I did it just made shit worse. Alcohol is a depressant and while we might think it is helping us cope it is really doing more harm. I am clean now but my intent on ctb is still the same. I'm not gonna judge, you do whatever you will but I will say that alcohol does make life worse. You might want to consider going into a program if you feel it's out of control. Either way keep us posted!

I think that's really well said. It feels like alcohol is the only source of hope I currently have. I've been in a program before, and I lost control right after. I want to quit the drinking, but I feel like if I quit it, that's when I'll finally ctb. Alcohol seems to be my last resort hope.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Drinking doesn't really help me. It helps me talk to people a little when I'm anxious but that's it.