After being in hospital close to 6 weeks following a fall, my mom is back home today. Whilst in hospital, advanced lung cancer was also diagnosed. Prior to her fall, her quality of life was compromised due to lupus and osteoporosis. Due to COVID-19, I was only allowed to visit once about 3 weeks ago when I arrived back to my hometown to see my mom after the doctors were uncertain how much longer she had. It sounded like she was improving recently.
She's gotten worse in my opinion. I've been liaising with her doctors, and each time I brought up a discharge plan, they were never certain when she would be ready to go home. So, her discharge came as a huge surprise when I was only informed late yesterday. There was barely enough time to organise what was needed. Her oncologist basically said she was not ready for discharge, but she was adamant he wanted to get out of there.
I've been feeling suicidal for a while now, more so over the last few months, and I even before my mother's cancer diagnosis, I've just been feeling depleted at having one problem after another to solve being the one in the family that everyone relies on.
It's difficult seeing my mother like this, even when her lupus was extremely bad, she always just pushed through the pain and got on with things. I've never really seen her look as frail as this before. She was struggling to breath earlier, and whilst I was helping administer some medication via nebuliser, she said ,"I'm tired of this life" a few times. I feel horrible thinking about it after, but I couldn't muster up any words of comfort in that moment, because I was thinking the same thing about my life.
She's gotten worse in my opinion. I've been liaising with her doctors, and each time I brought up a discharge plan, they were never certain when she would be ready to go home. So, her discharge came as a huge surprise when I was only informed late yesterday. There was barely enough time to organise what was needed. Her oncologist basically said she was not ready for discharge, but she was adamant he wanted to get out of there.
I've been feeling suicidal for a while now, more so over the last few months, and I even before my mother's cancer diagnosis, I've just been feeling depleted at having one problem after another to solve being the one in the family that everyone relies on.
It's difficult seeing my mother like this, even when her lupus was extremely bad, she always just pushed through the pain and got on with things. I've never really seen her look as frail as this before. She was struggling to breath earlier, and whilst I was helping administer some medication via nebuliser, she said ,"I'm tired of this life" a few times. I feel horrible thinking about it after, but I couldn't muster up any words of comfort in that moment, because I was thinking the same thing about my life.
