Painless_end
Life is too difficult for me
- Oct 11, 2019
- 794
It's just... Not a great brain that I have.
I am grateful for the share of good experiences and people in my life.
But genuinely speaking, my lack of interest in doing anything productive makes my life almost not worth living at all. It's not because I am lazy. I am unmotivated because at a very deep neurobiological level, there's some issue with my brain. I feel at times that I have a small brain with not enough growth capacity or productive interests to sustain myself as a normal functioning human being. The downside of this, is that people now think I am just lazy.
And there's no reason things should be like this, I just despise stuff at a basic level.
I despise whatever accomplishments I have made while I was making them like getting my undergraduate degree and working jobs. The only utility these things served was to keep up the appearance of being "normal" to the world, but it was all a farce.
If I were to be 100% objective and neutral about my situation, I would still hope for suicide because what I am, it's just not....very productive or useful or happy as a person.
There's just something wrong with me on a very fundamental level. And while I have spent so many years trying to live with it and still trying to be happy, it's kind of reached a point that I just don't care anymore.
I just want it all to end. Permanently. Hopefully painlessly.
I am grateful for the share of good experiences and people in my life.
But genuinely speaking, my lack of interest in doing anything productive makes my life almost not worth living at all. It's not because I am lazy. I am unmotivated because at a very deep neurobiological level, there's some issue with my brain. I feel at times that I have a small brain with not enough growth capacity or productive interests to sustain myself as a normal functioning human being. The downside of this, is that people now think I am just lazy.
And there's no reason things should be like this, I just despise stuff at a basic level.
I despise whatever accomplishments I have made while I was making them like getting my undergraduate degree and working jobs. The only utility these things served was to keep up the appearance of being "normal" to the world, but it was all a farce.
If I were to be 100% objective and neutral about my situation, I would still hope for suicide because what I am, it's just not....very productive or useful or happy as a person.
There's just something wrong with me on a very fundamental level. And while I have spent so many years trying to live with it and still trying to be happy, it's kind of reached a point that I just don't care anymore.
I just want it all to end. Permanently. Hopefully painlessly.
