retVarii
So desperate... so lost.
- Aug 21, 2024
- 15
I don't really know what forum this post belongs on, but I just want to clarify my mental state in addition to my post about parents:
Can't tell if my family is toxic or i am toxic | Sanctioned Suicide (sanctioned-suicide.net)
My life is completely empty. I never do anything productive, and I never feel happy. All i do in my free time is daydream or mindlessly browse the internet to soothe myself, but i never do anything for myself. For most of my life i have been creating little worlds in my head where i would immerse myself, but i have never told anyone about that. I don't talk to anyone. I mean, I have a family which I am bound to speak to, I have gone to school and I study at a university, but that's about it. I don't have anyone I would consider a friend, and I don't know if I even deserve one.
I think all this withdrawal from real life has decayed my brain. I am terrible at recognizing my own feelings, and often can't form my thoughts properly. I can't even assess how severe my problems are. All i see is other people who seem to enjoy their lives, while I have to live like this. I just don't know what it is like to live a normal life. I think I have depression, but I just can't be sure anymore…
I feel stuck. Like i have been locked in a chamber with nothing but a little window through which i get to see how others live, and no one does anything about it. I long for freedom, but the only way out that I see right now is that elusive bus. I am writing all of this to tell you: I want nothing more than to live normally, but I really don't know if that's possible for me.
It's too painful for me to even think of seeking help now. So desperate… so lost.
Can't tell if my family is toxic or i am toxic | Sanctioned Suicide (sanctioned-suicide.net)
My life is completely empty. I never do anything productive, and I never feel happy. All i do in my free time is daydream or mindlessly browse the internet to soothe myself, but i never do anything for myself. For most of my life i have been creating little worlds in my head where i would immerse myself, but i have never told anyone about that. I don't talk to anyone. I mean, I have a family which I am bound to speak to, I have gone to school and I study at a university, but that's about it. I don't have anyone I would consider a friend, and I don't know if I even deserve one.
I think all this withdrawal from real life has decayed my brain. I am terrible at recognizing my own feelings, and often can't form my thoughts properly. I can't even assess how severe my problems are. All i see is other people who seem to enjoy their lives, while I have to live like this. I just don't know what it is like to live a normal life. I think I have depression, but I just can't be sure anymore…
I feel stuck. Like i have been locked in a chamber with nothing but a little window through which i get to see how others live, and no one does anything about it. I long for freedom, but the only way out that I see right now is that elusive bus. I am writing all of this to tell you: I want nothing more than to live normally, but I really don't know if that's possible for me.
It's too painful for me to even think of seeking help now. So desperate… so lost.
