Venting Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place

[anchorsaweigh06]

Feeling bad; will delete if this isn't the right place for it.

I just feel…stuck, I guess? CTB is the "easy" way out; it doesn't take the same amount of effort and energy as waking up every single day and making a conscious choice to dig yourself out of the awful pit that is poor mental health. It's simple, straightforward, and you don't have to worry about any consequences because you (in a perfect world) wouldn't be around to see them.

Despite this, there's still a part of me that wants to see the future. To drop everything on a train/plane ticket to another part of the country away from my abusive parents, and see how far I'd make it with nothing to my name while never looking back. It would be hard, yes, but at least I would be alive(?).

I think both options suck, honestly, and I'm genuinely unsure which would be the better choice here.

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

Have you tried talking with a therapist? Meditation? Ketamine infusions helped with my SI until I stopped them

 

[EternalShore]

I don't know~ :( Your situation sounds bad, and it sucks that you were placed into it, and I hope that your life isn't always so bad and will pray for you~ :(

tbh, from what you describe, it sounds like you want to do everything all at once (moving to another country and starting over), which sure, could be a long-term goal, but it more than likely is possible to start from where you are rn, especially if you don't have to pay exorbitant rent prices with your parents~

instead of trying to make everything great all at once, you can start with small steps~ i.e.: first, get a driver's license [if you live where I live at least]. Then, get a job., etc. now, you're not very specific about your situation whatsoever, so I can't be too specific, but I hope this is helpful~ :)

 

[anchorsaweigh06]

Have you tried talking with a therapist? Meditation? Ketamine infusions helped with my SI until I stopped them

Thanks for taking the time to respond! I've bounced around therapists for the past few years, but never found the courage to talk about the true extent of my issues until now (and, ironically, I'm now in a place where I'm not sure whether I'll be able to obtain a therapist due to lack of insurance).

Meditation always seemed a bit "out-there" in my mind— no offense intended, of course— so I never thought to try it long-term. Perhaps I'll give it a shot, though.

I don't know~ :( Your situation sounds bad, and it sucks that you were placed into it, and I hope that your life isn't always so bad and will pray for you~ :(

tbh, from what you describe, it sounds like you want to do everything all at once (moving to another country and starting over), which sure, could be a long-term goal, but it more than likely is possible to start from where you are rn, especially if you don't have to pay exorbitant rent prices with your parents~

instead of trying to make everything great all at once, you can start with small steps~ i.e.: first, get a driver's license [if you live where I live at least]. Then, get a job., etc. now, you're not very specific about your situation whatsoever, so I can't be too specific, but I hope this is helpful~ :)

Thanks for your response, I really do appreciate it! :)

I'll admit that I wrote my original post while mid-spiral, and "hop in a car and move as far away as possible" was the first impulse that came to mind. I probably should take it slowly, but mustering that continued patience feels near-impossible sometimes. Regardless, I suppose you've made a lot of good points, and I'll try to keep what you've said in mind. Thank you once again!