“Stop being a victim”

[Mustkeyknow]

I fucking loathe when people say this. I AM a victim. Even if of my own stupidity. I wonder if people think I complain too much. Like if they think I'm a spoiled brat who will threaten to kill them selves if things don't go their way. It's true though, I am a spoiled brat, but so is a lot of people and shit go their way. I fucking hate this.

 

[DoNotLet2]

Oh yeah I hate that rightish crap "take care of your own life, you can do whatever you want" so relatable for me. They say that you can't succeed only because of laziness and it's annoying isn't it? Some people simply have it harder.

 

[airboy_a380]

Oh yeah I hate that rightish crap "take care of your own life, you can do whatever you want" so relatable for me. They say that you can't succeed only because of laziness and it's annoying isn't it? Some people simply have it harder.

thats what my parents usually say to me. It hurts so much to hear that. If only they knew what is inside my head.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Depending on the situation that phrase can be used by abusers to shrug off any responsibility on their side.

It's funny because those people who say "Don't be a victim" are likely the same types that will get angry, and berate you should you ever decide to CTB... In other words they start to act like they are a "victim" themselves.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I despise that pro-life rhetoric as well. What we are, most importantly, are conscious beings. Our consciousness is then subjected to (it falls victim to) reality. To say that we aren't victims, is to say that we don't experience. It is, in a way, a denial of our consciousness.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I hate that type of saying so much. Also when people act like we have any control over bad situations or we "did it to ourselves". I also hate being called a "survivor"...no I'm a victim. It's invalidating the person's struggles and is dismissive of their pain.

 

[LenkaX]

"Stop being a victim" is similar to "Just be positive"

 

[madbananas]

Completely agree. People will treat us like absolute horse shit and then use that phrase to defend themselves but they will be the same people that post all over social media about the importance of justice, equality, kindness etc just to get the "likes" and boost their own status.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I think when people hear complaining and they can't do anything to solve the problem they feel impotent and get frustrated, so the response is, "Quit whining about it and do something about it." If the one complaining seems capable because they don't have any physical condition stopping them, then others can't see an impediment that would garner understanding.

 

[muffin222]

I agree- it's a very invalidating and uppity response to someone's suffering. Some of us are victims. We don't have to stay there, but shifting out of that victim state isn't an overnight change. It's hard work, especially when you're in deep pain everyday

 

[OnlyTheWind]

People who say this have clearly never experienced the kind of pain that makes you want to end it all. Then again, neurotypicals tend to be a poor measure of reality.

 

[Toptock]

Sometimes when you speak to someone about your problems, and you're presented with that bullshit platitude I can't help but feel like all my stress is IMMEDIATELY invalidated, why would any of us want to talk to people after years of that?

 

[ladolcemorte]

Completely agree. People will treat us like absolute horse shit and then use that phrase to defend themselves but they will be the same people that post all over social media about the importance of justice, equality, kindness etc just to get the "likes" and boost their own status.

Yup. Everyone posts the "it gets better" memes and the "let's talk" memes and the links to crisis hotlines, because mental illness is so "en vogue" right now. But no one actually wants to have an honest conversation with a depressed/mentally ill/even slightly distressed person.

"Don't be a victim" is right up there with all the other platitudes: "suicide is cowardly", "it gets better", "you can do anything you set your mind too", "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem".....All designed to shut down the conversation, because no one wants to confront the darkness of human suffering.

 

[madbananas]

Yup. Everyone posts the "it gets better" memes and the "let's talk" memes and the links to crisis hotlines, because mental illness is so "en vogue" right now. But no one actually wants to have an honest conversation with a depressed/mentally ill/even slightly distressed person.

"Don't be a victim" is right up there with all the other platitudes: "suicide is cowardly", "it gets better", "you can do anything you set your mind too", "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem".....All designed to shut down the conversation, because no one wants to confront the darkness of human suffering.

Exactly. I had a breakdown months ago which I stupidly shared online because I thought that was going to be the end of me at that point (I failed obviously) and then so many people unfollowed me, blocked me or obviously muted me, and some of them people are literally mental health professionals and academics who told me they muted me because it's unsafe for their career to see what I posted. So basically if I died then that's ok because they didn't see anything online so didn't have to do anything about it (out of sight out of mine right?) AND those people are actually working on suicide prevention and loneliness projects right now. If I were in their position I couldn't live with myself doing that to someone, basically cutting them off online so they lose out in a community, and then bragging about how compassionate they are. It makes me so angry.