Amumu
Ctb - temporary solution for a permanent problem
- Aug 29, 2020
- 2,623
Here we go. I don't know if new members know me or if most people don't like me here, but nvm.
Here's the story. Suicidal since childhood (the six-year-old me already said he wanted to die), I'm still here a few decades later.
Here's the thing : I have everything ready, I'd just like to buy SN, meto and propa again but I have other methods perfectly ready.
I suffer a lot, I'm anxious and depressed, and play cat and mouse with my family for them not to put hand on my methods.
I don't know how long I'll be able to play this game. Just in case, I need to learn how to do knots and choose the right tree, because no one will be able to prevent me from buying a rope. It seems hanging is the last resort when you don't have access to firearms. Now I'm waiting, waiting, waiting, suffering, suffering, suffering because I don't want to cause too much pain to my last grandparent.
Imo I'll go back on antidepressants for some time before the final end. I'm fed up with this Darwinian world where the cosmos doesn't give a shit about the little ants we are. Fuck it.
Here's the story. Suicidal since childhood (the six-year-old me already said he wanted to die), I'm still here a few decades later.
Here's the thing : I have everything ready, I'd just like to buy SN, meto and propa again but I have other methods perfectly ready.
I suffer a lot, I'm anxious and depressed, and play cat and mouse with my family for them not to put hand on my methods.
I don't know how long I'll be able to play this game. Just in case, I need to learn how to do knots and choose the right tree, because no one will be able to prevent me from buying a rope. It seems hanging is the last resort when you don't have access to firearms. Now I'm waiting, waiting, waiting, suffering, suffering, suffering because I don't want to cause too much pain to my last grandparent.
Imo I'll go back on antidepressants for some time before the final end. I'm fed up with this Darwinian world where the cosmos doesn't give a shit about the little ants we are. Fuck it.
Just wanted to say I completely understand the whole waiting for the inevitable feeling especially since things don't get better no matter what. I don't have any advice but I hope you can try to take things slow and rest however much despite the pain. Hugs to you okay.
