Staying a little longer

[areagarden]

Well, I never thought this day would come. I have known I was going to ctb before graduation. I have had numerous attempts over the past month. There was no world in my mind where I would stay. Yet here I am. I just packed my final boxes in my place and am living with a friend for a week before going back home. I can't deal with the guilt of doing it in someone else's home, so that means I guess I'm staying. I wish I felt excited or proud. Instead I just feel nothing. I have spent months meticulously planning. I have dedicated my life to my own death. And now it's not even possible for months until I move into my new place. In a weird way, I don't know who I am without obsessing over my death. Hoping it'll make sense in time. Betting it won't.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I can understand seeing life as not worth it and having the desire to die. But why not use this as an opportunity to try and change things? It may feel hopeless and pointless. But at the end of the day there's still somewhat of a chance things could get better for you. And you should take it. I truly wish for your pain to ease. God bless you.