starting preparations. The decision is made

[milkginger]

I'm organizing my protocol for ctb.
I've been taking anxiety medication for two months now. I got tranquilizers to take (I plan to start taking them 2 days before).

I have the antiemetic, but I was wondering how long before I need to take it, since this antiemetic makes me very sleepy. I also have ibuprofen.
I also bought Valerian, a natural tranquilizer. Well, if I fail at least I'll be very calm! Haha

Now I'm waiting for SN to arrive.

I confess that a huge wave of peace invaded my soul, I always thought about it but never "organized myself". I started writing letters to everyone and every day I add something to them. To my son, I am leaving a lot of things, poems, funny stories that I lived, experiences that I considered important and things that I hope he will keep in mind at important moments in his life when those moments have come (graduation, marriage, first sexual intercourse, first child , fights with the father, etc.).
Am I being selfish doing this for him?

 

[FuneralCry]

To me, suicide can never be selfish, as we all have the right to exit this world at a time of our own choosing, and it is a personal decision when to leave. I can imagine that it must be a relief to feel at peace with everything, and I'm sorry that it has come to this point for you. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[milkginger]

To me, suicide can never be selfish, as we all have the right to exit this world at a time of our own choosing, and it is a personal decision when to leave. I can imagine that it must be a relief to feel at peace with everything, and I'm sorry that it has come to this point for you. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

you are always very kind! Thank you so much for the words! My big question is, I wrote and am writing many things for him, my son. When I ask if I'm being selfish, it's in that sense. I'm afraid I'm prolonging his suffering with my departure with so many letters and messages! Anyway, the decision is made, I just don't want to cause more and unnecessary damage!

 

[miserableforever]

I'm organizing my protocol for ctb.
I've been taking anxiety medication for two months now. I got tranquilizers to take (I plan to start taking them 2 days before).

I have the antiemetic, but I was wondering how long before I need to take it, since this antiemetic makes me very sleepy. I also have ibuprofen.
I also bought Valerian, a natural tranquilizer. Well, if I fail at least I'll be very calm! Haha

Now I'm waiting for SN to arrive.

I confess that a huge wave of peace invaded my soul, I always thought about it but never "organized myself". I started writing letters to everyone and every day I add something to them. To my son, I am leaving a lot of things, poems, funny stories that I lived, experiences that I considered important and things that I hope he will keep in mind at important moments in his life when those moments have come (graduation, marriage, first sexual intercourse, first child , fights with the father, etc.).
Am I being selfish doing this for him?

I believe the more letters you write, the better he will understand how much you cared and that it wasn't his fault at all. That's the worst part when there are questions and loved ones blame themselves.
Suicide can be considered selfish in a way but it's not, cause some of us just can't go on. It's not like it's fun to CTB.
Staying alive for others is a underrated daily sacrifice.

 

[milkginger]

I believe the more letters you write, the better he will understand how much you cared and that it wasn't his fault at all. That's the worst part when there are questions and loved ones blame themselves.
Suicide can be considered selfish in a way but it's not, cause some of us just can't go on. It's not like it's fun to CTB.
Staying alive for others is a underrated daily sacrifice.

yes, I think the same way too, but for a few moments I felt selfish! I am very in favor of dignified death. Very supportive of the right to die. Here in most countries, suicide is considered a public health issue, where the state must intervene. What I partially agree…: depression should be fought, diseases and psychosocial disorders too!

by the way. Thanks for the words, I felt better after reading.