Squeamish about Death

[nixdeath]

I can't help but feel squeamish about suicide, that's the best word I can find to describe it. I really wish I could get myself to ctb, but every time I think about how I'll do it, I get a pain in my body and anxiety. I don't know why I am like this, since I want to die constantly, I can't even think of a time within the last few years when I wasn't wanting to die. Is there a way to get around this?

 

[wellherewego]

That's SI. It's more than normal and only you can know if you're ready or not. If your SI is very strong maybe you aren't ready or need to do some reflecting to come to terms with bodily death.

 

[nixdeath]

I hope I'm ready, I can't bear to live much longer like this
you know this only happens with methods where I physically harm myself, it will probably be much easier to take a poison

 

[wellherewego]

Maybe you need to do some reflecting on the death of your body. Usually people who ctb successfully people get to a point where their mental anguish overcomes their SI and they're just ready to go and have reflected enough and somehow already mourned their bodily death and are at peace with it. Some people are on these forums for years before they're ready and some recover… sometimes impulse from a particularly bad life happening pushes them over the edge.

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide really is so difficult after all, and I think that if it was easier to leave, I would already be gone. I agree that it sounds much easier to take a poison, many of the other methods sound horrible and what holds me back is the fear of failure and fear of pain from the dying process.

I do think that many people manage to go through with it when the pain of living gets unbearable and they get desperate. I'm sorry for all the suffering that has brought you to this point and I wish you the best in whatever happens. I know that it can be awful wanting to leave this world, yet feeling as though you are unable to.

 

[outrider567]

I can't help but feel squeamish about suicide, that's the best word I can find to describe it. I really wish I could get myself to ctb, but every time I think about how I'll do it, I get a pain in my body and anxiety. I don't know why I am like this, since I want to die constantly, I can't even think of a time within the last few years when I wasn't wanting to die. Is there a way to get around this?

That's normal to feel sqeamish--But people who CTB are at the point where either physical pain or mental pain is at an apex and they cannot stand it any longer, in their cases, SI has been defeated