sometimes I feel like even death isn't good enough

[glowing.purple.aura]

I so badly wish I never existed, and I so, so, so, so, so, SO hate the idea that I do exist.
I hate the idea that even if I do kill myself, I still existed at some point.
And don't even get me started on the possibility of consciousness after death. Or possible consciousness before birth that was forgotten.
Gosh, this is exactly why we need anti-natalism... I need a 100% guarantee that I will never exist again.

 

[peewee]

dw, either way i see it , death is it, peace out. or if something continues, it wont suffer because its this life and its attachments that make us suffer. our brains release dmt at death so i think peoples spiritual experienced when they have NDE is just what the brain does, dmt trip. also could be wrong, you only know when ya know i guess. i had the same fears about my ego continuing after death so i would still suffer the memories and stuff. i think whatever happens it will be peace tho

 

[AstralMadness]

i get it, though i see death as the last attempt to even achieve happiness or peace. if that one doesn't work either then well..

 

[Forever Sleep]

I know what you mean. For me, there's this huge annoyance that I'm alive. That we are effectively conscripted into emotional, practical, financial responsibilty for other people the moment we get here.

I personally don't think it's fair to dump that responsibility on a sentient being and then worse- try to pretend that it has freedom. We don't. We learn very early on that our actions deeply affect those around us. And- that's if we're 'lucky' enough to have people around us that care enough to be bothered. But, there isn't really freedom to choose, when we feel emotionally responsible for other people. And, definitely not to choose death.

So, I tend to agree with you. Non existence would have spared all of this muddle of emotion. Sadness, exhaustion and desperation to leave. Overwhelming guilt that we can't leave and hurt others. Resentment that we feel compelled to stay for the very people who brought us into this situation in the first place- in the case of staying for parents. Non existence could have spared me all of that.