Something changed

[destiny]

I have been suicidal for a long time. At points it was just a passive wish to be dead. Sometimes the feelings got so strong, spent all my time researching methods, planning, fantasizing, being pretty sure it would soon happen. But there was always some fear in me. Some hope. Something that stopped me from taking the final steps. And I always crawled through.

Now something in me has changed. I am no longer afraid. The thought of the act still brings me to tears, but at the same time a calmness has come over me. I am happy that the end is nearing. It's like the final stage of grief. Grief for my own dead. It's okay, I'm at peace with where life has brought me. I forgive myself.

 

[Snake of Eden]

It is good to feel acceptance about our fate in life. I am yet to reach to that point

 

[juraviel]

well put. I've been feeling similar as well.

 

[budgie]

It is good to feel acceptance about our fate in life. I am yet to reach to that point

I'm yet to reach that point too. Hope it happens soon for me

 

[Snake of Eden]

I have been suicidal for a long time. At points it was just a passive wish to be dead. Sometimes the feelings got so strong, spent all my time researching methods, planning, fantasizing, being pretty sure it would soon happen. But there was always some fear in me. Some hope. Something that stopped me from taking the final steps. And I always crawled through.

Now something in me has changed. I am no longer afraid. The thought of the act still brings me to tears, but at the same time a calmness has come over me. I am happy that the end is nearing. It's like the final stage of grief. Grief for my own dead. It's okay, I'm at peace with where life has brought me. I forgive myself.

What do you think has caused you to change? Is it specific trigger, despair, epiphany?

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm at peace with my decision. This life holds nothing more for me. I believe I was never meant to be alive. I have accepted the fact that ctb is inevitable for me. Of course there is the SI and the fact that it is difficult to take our lives. However I would happily fall into an eternal sleep and never wake up. It comforts me to think of my death.

It must be a relief to have the feelings of fear gone. I do believe that hope can be a painful thing once it is taken away so I personally prefer to have none at all. I wish you peace if your decision is to leave.

 

[destiny]

What do you think has caused you to change? Is it specific trigger, despair, epiphany?

I'm not sure. Things have been going especially shitty for the last few months. I think it has been a gradual process.

 

[Bagger]

I was going through the same loops over and over for years. It was hell of a rollercoaster, but in the end, i'm still drawn to idea. Of escape on my own terms. From many things that were changed in me by the process, this one still persist.

 

[Huntfish34]

Like others have said,. I'm glad you have come to peace with Yourself and the ultimate fate of you're life.

I'm still struggling Mighty hard with my fate,. Scares the ever living Fck outta me but yet it's been on my mind 24/ 7. Inner / mental dialogue saying ... " Just do it! Pull the Fckn trigger already! ". And here I am....

Wish you nothing but the best in whatever may happen.

Thoughts and prayers,

Butch