Good evening, everyone,
I'm new here on the forum—well, sort of; I've actually always just been a lurker. So, please forgive me if anything about this thread is out of place. To get straight to the point... I intend to attempt CTB in the near future. Unfortunately, I already have two failed attempts behind me, and I want to ensure that this third one is successful. To that end, I would prefer not to go through this alone, as I have always been quite solitary. Not that this makes me anything special, but that is simply how it is. My chosen method is carbon monoxide (CO), through which I seek the most peaceful exit possible from all of this.
So, for the sake of clarity and brevity: I am looking for someone who would like to carry out this method alongside me. I have no preference regarding gender, but it is very important to me that the person be at least 20 years old, friendly, and respectful.
I am fully aware that no one would simply entrust themselves to a random stranger they barely know. Therefore, I would like to share a little bit about myself in the hope that it will give you a better picture of who I am.
I am a 22-year-old male living in North Rhine-Westphalia (NRW) and currently working as a temporary assistant. I haven't historically been a very open person, as I struggled significantly with bullying during my school years. The only people I could truly rely on were my father and my cousin—something for which I feel deep regret. As I mentioned, I have two previous attempts behind me: the first time, I tried using benzodiazepines and woke up in the hospital. After many counseling sessions, I was discharged back into my father's care. My second attempt involved jumping from a building that was still under construction. However, I was unable to go through with it because—despite it being the middle of the night—I was spotted. I wanted to do it without witnesses and in peace; that is very important to me. I spend time gaming every day—specifically, I play "League of Legends." I also absolutely love writing my own short stories, though I have never shared them with anyone because I'm afraid of being laughed at or looked at strangely. I have never been in a relationship, as I had some very traumatic experiences with my uncle when I was still a child. I am not religious—or at least, not directly so... I believe—or rather, I *hope*—that there is another world out there where I can find a fresh start. Something like in anime, for instance. I often hear people say that this is just wishful thinking, that this world offers the same opportunities, and that I simply need to get used to things as they are. But why *must* I? I no longer have any faith in this world, and I firmly believe that I have the right to choose to leave it. As things stand today, I am a loner who sees no further motivation to go on living—someone who cannot find the drive to work, to discover hobbies, or to connect with other people. Which is why writing this here is so incredibly difficult for me. That's all about me for now; I hope it offered some insight.
A brief note regarding my thoughts on the method:
I have no prior experience with the CO method, but my plan was actually to carry it out inside a tent somewhere in a secluded spot. Beforehand, I intend to calmly smoke a joint and simply let the surrounding nature wash over me. I also plan to listen to a music playlist I've curated specifically for the occasion. And before all that, I definitely want to eat my favorite meal: a burger with fries and a Coke.
Anyway—please forgive the lengthy text. As I mentioned earlier, if any of this doesn't belong here, please let me know; and if that turns out to be the case, I apologize.
As my final words, I would like to thank you all for reading this and for spending your valuable time with me. Have a wonderful day. <3
I'm new here on the forum—well, sort of; I've actually always just been a lurker. So, please forgive me if anything about this thread is out of place. To get straight to the point... I intend to attempt CTB in the near future. Unfortunately, I already have two failed attempts behind me, and I want to ensure that this third one is successful. To that end, I would prefer not to go through this alone, as I have always been quite solitary. Not that this makes me anything special, but that is simply how it is. My chosen method is carbon monoxide (CO), through which I seek the most peaceful exit possible from all of this.
So, for the sake of clarity and brevity: I am looking for someone who would like to carry out this method alongside me. I have no preference regarding gender, but it is very important to me that the person be at least 20 years old, friendly, and respectful.
I am fully aware that no one would simply entrust themselves to a random stranger they barely know. Therefore, I would like to share a little bit about myself in the hope that it will give you a better picture of who I am.
I am a 22-year-old male living in North Rhine-Westphalia (NRW) and currently working as a temporary assistant. I haven't historically been a very open person, as I struggled significantly with bullying during my school years. The only people I could truly rely on were my father and my cousin—something for which I feel deep regret. As I mentioned, I have two previous attempts behind me: the first time, I tried using benzodiazepines and woke up in the hospital. After many counseling sessions, I was discharged back into my father's care. My second attempt involved jumping from a building that was still under construction. However, I was unable to go through with it because—despite it being the middle of the night—I was spotted. I wanted to do it without witnesses and in peace; that is very important to me. I spend time gaming every day—specifically, I play "League of Legends." I also absolutely love writing my own short stories, though I have never shared them with anyone because I'm afraid of being laughed at or looked at strangely. I have never been in a relationship, as I had some very traumatic experiences with my uncle when I was still a child. I am not religious—or at least, not directly so... I believe—or rather, I *hope*—that there is another world out there where I can find a fresh start. Something like in anime, for instance. I often hear people say that this is just wishful thinking, that this world offers the same opportunities, and that I simply need to get used to things as they are. But why *must* I? I no longer have any faith in this world, and I firmly believe that I have the right to choose to leave it. As things stand today, I am a loner who sees no further motivation to go on living—someone who cannot find the drive to work, to discover hobbies, or to connect with other people. Which is why writing this here is so incredibly difficult for me. That's all about me for now; I hope it offered some insight.
A brief note regarding my thoughts on the method:
I have no prior experience with the CO method, but my plan was actually to carry it out inside a tent somewhere in a secluded spot. Beforehand, I intend to calmly smoke a joint and simply let the surrounding nature wash over me. I also plan to listen to a music playlist I've curated specifically for the occasion. And before all that, I definitely want to eat my favorite meal: a burger with fries and a Coke.
Anyway—please forgive the lengthy text. As I mentioned earlier, if any of this doesn't belong here, please let me know; and if that turns out to be the case, I apologize.
As my final words, I would like to thank you all for reading this and for spending your valuable time with me. Have a wonderful day. <3
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