Someone else think the same?

[lunasoleada]

I always thing that everything would have been different if i had been pretty, i think thats the main reason bc i'm so alones

 

[Firegirl]

You're extremely valid in feeling that way, however i have a story of my own experiences that might prove otherwise.

It's no secret that being 'pretty' in this messed up society generally means better treatment by others. Pretty privilege is a real thing unfortunately (proof of how hypocritical and sick society is)

But i'd like to share my experience with this. About 7 years ago, while still in high school i was deemed as conventionally unattractive. I was surrounded by a community that only saw certain features as attractive and anyone who didn't have those was looked at as unattractive and treated as such. During this time, I was constantly 'friendzoned' and felt very left out from typical high school things because romance etc was not in the cards for me due to my looks. However, i was respected. I had friends who enjoyed my personality and respected my thoughts and opinions. Most of the school looked up to me because i was very bold and authentic in my personality.

If i fast forward to now, 6-7 years later, i am now deemed and looked at as 'pretty' and conventionally attractive. My features are now pretty much a standard in the community I'm now surrounded with. Everyone tells me how beautiful i am and men are constantly commenting on how attractive i am, but i kid you not, i'm no longer as respected as i was. People are so focused on my body and my looks that very few actually pay attention to my personality anymore, even though its the same one from all those years ago. People now look at me as more of an 'object' than a 'person'. I'm often lonelier now and more unseen than i ever was before.

I read something recently that said "when you're ugly, you're treated like scum by society and always overlooked, but when you're pretty you're looked at with hunger, like an object, and people treat you as if you have no inherent value. Either way you're left feeling alone, empty and unseen" and i think it's so true.

As much as you might think being seen as as 'prettier' would help, in the broader scheme of things, society is messed up and nothing ever truly changes or makes a difference. So my advice would be to not be as hard on yourself. And when it comes to being 'pretty' always remember that society's standards are bullshit. Only you can decide to start viewing yourself as pretty before everyone else follows suit.

 

[timf]

Attractiveness is an interesting quality. When one considers what is "attracted" the benefits of not having the superficial drawn to you can be appreciated.

There are other "attractors" such as a sense of humor, kindness, and understanding. These are less superficial and are more often only appreciated after someone gets to know you.

If you ever pan for gold, you will find that gold flakes are often covered by "black sand" FeO3 (magnetite). Using a magnet can pull all of this out of the way making it easier to find the gold. "Attractive" people can provide the same function.

While there are many people who are attractive and also have depth, theirs is a more difficult path.

I knew a gal once who explained she had met her husband by going to a fishing pier and asking for help in learning how to fish. She "attracted" a guy who had a desire to be helpful and was kind. She felt that going to a bar to meet people had too many negative possibilities.

 

[SarRy]

It's hard to overcome a first impression. It's a sad state that first look makes so much of a first impression.