some are cursed to live

[8evergo]

I've gotten away dead so many times during my military service, so many times afterwards
this year i become also long covid my lungs failed and my kidneys were only in intensive care for 10 days
for that i get diseases without end dad has the feeling i have to suffer am cursed
I WANT TO GO

 

[Seeking_Peace]

Did you want to ctb before covid? That would have been the perfect way out(avoid treatment). All of my family members had covid except me(my brother had it twice).

 

[8evergo]

If I should get it again I will refuse ventilation

 

[Seeking_Peace]

Did your lungs feel like burning?

 

[8evergo]

I didn't really feel like I was dreaming. I only had dreams that were so realistic, and also pleasant dreams and nightmares, but everything was so real, I only felt it every now and then, my breathing was difficult. Today I have trouble breathing when I exert myself
they tied me up in bed when i was in a coma because i pulled everyone out and wanted to go away

 

[FuneralCry]

It seems as though many people who want to live die from disease and yet those who want to be gone are stuck here, having to find a way to exit themselves. Life is just unfair like that. It does sound horrible dying from a disease but at least it would mean that I would not have to go through the process of planning ctb and worrying about the method failing. It is so awful how it is difficult to leave this world. I wish that dying was as easy as just wishing to be gone.

 

[8evergo]

I think the same, you don't want to live and life grabs you like a tentacle
if someone wants to live, you die faster than you think