Discussion Society's contrasting attitudes to a planned vs an unplanned death.

[Koppite]

(Warning: long)


TL;DR: I have 6 months to live and can't tell anyone.

I don't particularly want to die; I just don't have the energy to try to live with increasing health and financial issues.

Health: I'm 54 and in pretty good shape. However, I have glaucoma and my back is fucked. I've started to get aches and pains in my joints and muscles and my teeth are deteriorating. These are all issues that are never going to get better - it's just a question of how long it takes before they all fail.

Finance: In about 3-12 months (depending on how long I can eke it out) I will be completely without funds. A couple of years ago, I was forced to leave my career, after suffering crippling grief when my father died. I have no family left and have been living on savings ever since Dad died.
The idea of trying to get another job and 'starting again' holds no interest for me whatsoever - especially as whatever I get after such a long hiatus will be wage slave status, at best.

The health issues could be ameliorated by money and the financial issues could be ameliorated by health and vigour; unfortunately both issues are also cumulative, so, in ways that few people outside of this forum will understand, I essentially have the equivalent of a 'You have 6 months to live' diagnosis.

My point (and thank you if you've made it with me this far) is that, unlike people with a terminal medical diagnosis, those of us with a mental health or financial 'expiry' date receive not only zero sympathy or empathy from society - but we cannot even talk about it with friends or family.

I would like to have the opportunity to say goodbye to people before it's too late. I'd like to be able to talk and reminisce and laugh and cry with the people in my life before I go - but, for reasons I cannot help but think are illogical and unfair, no one will or can handle a planned exit.
So not only am I (and you, if you're in a similar situation) facing a 'death sentence' - where I have to come to terms with the fact that in a particular time-frame I will die - I also have to do so in secret and in solitude.

Which leads me, like so many of you, to posting our feelings anonymously on an Internet forum. Isn't it sad that those who profess to love us and will miss us when we're gone can't find it within themselves to love us and talk to us whilst we're still here?

 

[Saturn's Rings]

I am very sad to read this. It's awful when all hope is gone. I wish you peace xx

 

[CTB Dream]

Human see outer only never insid think all look 0 empathy real sorry , hope get wabt peace

 

[lionetta12]

(Warning: long)


TL;DR: I have 6 months to live and can't tell anyone.

I don't particularly want to die; I just don't have the energy to try to live with increasing health and financial issues.

Health: I'm 54 and in pretty good shape. However, I have glaucoma and my back is fucked. I've started to get aches and pains in my joints and muscles and my teeth are deteriorating. These are all issues that are never going to get better - it's just a question of how long it takes before they all fail.

Finance: In about 3-12 months (depending on how long I can eke it out) I will be completely without funds. A couple of years ago, I was forced to leave my career, after suffering crippling grief when my father died. I have no family left and have been living on savings ever since Dad died.
The idea of trying to get another job and 'starting again' holds no interest for me whatsoever - especially as whatever I get after such a long hiatus will be wage slave status, at best.

The health issues could be ameliorated by money and the financial issues could be ameliorated by health and vigour; unfortunately both issues are also cumulative, so, in ways that few people outside of this forum will understand, I essentially have the equivalent of a 'You have 6 months to live' diagnosis.

My point (and thank you if you've made it with me this far) is that, unlike people with a terminal medical diagnosis, those of us with a mental health or financial 'expiry' date receive not only zero sympathy or empathy from society - but we cannot even talk about it with friends or family.

I would like to have the opportunity to say goodbye to people before it's too late. I'd like to be able to talk and reminisce and laugh and cry with the people in my life before I go - but, for reasons I cannot help but think are illogical and unfair, no one will or can handle a planned exit.
So not only am I (and you, if you're in a similar situation) facing a 'death sentence' - where I have to come to terms with the fact that in a particular time-frame I will die - I also have to do so in secret and in solitude.

Which leads me, like so many of you, to posting our feelings anonymously on an Internet forum. Isn't it sad that those who profess to love us and will miss us when we're gone can't find it within themselves to love us and talk to us whilst we're still here?

It has always upset me that society let's those who have a «6 months left to live» diagnosis, enjoy everyone around them and be open with them until their last breath. They get to pass from this world togheter with their friends and family, with no judgement. I wish we could all be allowed to do the same. It sucks that we have to CTB alone, and we cannot share good memories prior and look back at old memories with the ones we care for, whilst being open.

 

[foreverfalling]

Isn't it sad that those who profess to love us and will miss us when we're gone can't find it within themselves to love us and talk to us whilst we're still here?

Unfortunately it is a lonely path to take when you go against the grain of society. And it means you will have a very different definition of love to other people. In this case it seems like the kind of love you want is being understood and respected for your decisions. But the kind of love most other people will give you is to follow what other people do, to try to 'save' you against your wishes, to 'fix' you up.

Well you can find like minds here, and we'll be here to listen to you.

 

[FuneralCry]

It would be much better for people if we lived in a world where suicide is not so stigmatised and people can be open about their plans to die. I just think that other people don't understand as they are not in a similar situation and they view life as something to be prolonged as much as possible regardless of the person's life circumstances. I do think that often sharing how we feel with others can just make things worse than they already are, so it's better to be alone than to have others trying to interfere with our plans to leave.