So long

[idontknow42]

I've been talking about killing myself for so long. Over a year.

I've planned my whole life around the fact that I'll die soon. Closed doors of opportunities, isolated myself, took no interest in the world.

Why am I still here? I need something to get me to go ahead with it and start planning.

I have SN, which has given me the ease of mind that I can die whenever I want.

 

[CommitSudoku]

I can really relate, I also framed my whole life around, "I won't live to that anyways, so no point in planning/preparing." The only real favor I've done is I've saved a lot before now since I wanted my family to have something from me when I went. Aside from that no planning - I never bothered trying to find anything I'd enjoy and efforts to try to make this life worth it... weren't worth it. It's hard to be so self-sabotaging yet still trapped here. Perhaps all these little things will build up into a push of their own for us, perhaps. I'm glad the SN brings you peace at least. I wish you the best whatever you decide to do going forward.

 

[Lost Magic]

I understand. I feel like I am already dead. Even though I want to believe in spirituality and the soul, I often wonder if all I am is this sad brain attached to a broken body. I just don't know anymore and perhaps that is for the best. Sometimes not knowing is liberating. At least you now have your SN for comfort. You now have a relatively peaceful option at the time of your choosing.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are suffering, in my case I have never wanted to be alive and I have no interest in living as well. I can imagine that it must be a relief having a way to exit for when the time is right for you, it would comfort me just having that option. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Tackingintothewind]

I think maybe you aren't doing anything because you're not ready yet. You have the means so you can go anytime, maybe think if there is anything you want to do first

 

[Sherri]

Yes I also feel empowered to have my sn. Like a one way ticket out in case I have enough one day.