amnotreal
Student
- Oct 20, 2019
- 137
I ordered sn finally. I am afraid of what will happen if it doesn't work. I do not want to find myself in a psych ward again. I don't want to fail and I don't want to live in a body more damaged and broken than it already is. are there people who tried and failed who have stories here or who can say what happened and why it failed?
I mostly never try because I am so afraid if I fail it will mean psych ward and or more damaged messed up body. I mostly never try because of fear of failure. i tried in my early 20's just od on over counter pain killers and I ended up going to er cuz i didn't want my partner to hurt if i succeeded. I have a friend who lost many people because they ctb and one it was in front of him with a gun and he would have flashbacks with hallucinations of it happening and had to have so much therapy to recover after seeing that and I don't want to hurt him or anyone else but I hurt so much. I don't want to fail though. I can't try and then fail.
I ordered sn though and it gets here next week and I need to find a place with privacy so I probably have to go camping or something. I am worried I may have used all my anti emetics because of really bad nausea cuz of colon problems. I am supposed ot get a horrible test soon that can tell if surgery can fix my colon. I don't know if I can get more anti emetics. I need to figure that out because I don't want to fail. if I do this I need it to work.
I mostly never try because I am so afraid if I fail it will mean psych ward and or more damaged messed up body. I mostly never try because of fear of failure. i tried in my early 20's just od on over counter pain killers and I ended up going to er cuz i didn't want my partner to hurt if i succeeded. I have a friend who lost many people because they ctb and one it was in front of him with a gun and he would have flashbacks with hallucinations of it happening and had to have so much therapy to recover after seeing that and I don't want to hurt him or anyone else but I hurt so much. I don't want to fail though. I can't try and then fail.
I ordered sn though and it gets here next week and I need to find a place with privacy so I probably have to go camping or something. I am worried I may have used all my anti emetics because of really bad nausea cuz of colon problems. I am supposed ot get a horrible test soon that can tell if surgery can fix my colon. I don't know if I can get more anti emetics. I need to figure that out because I don't want to fail. if I do this I need it to work.
