Venting Sn prep feels so long right now

[FailureGirl]

So im doin the 1 hour sn prep and am half an hour in but man it feels so long I wish I could just take it now.
I worry il back out but I really can't back out again I can't go back to the life iv been living.
Just gotta hold on for 30 minutes
Only about 5 minutes to go then I can drink it.. I feel so alone right now

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Hi, sorry that nobody replied yet. How are you feeling now?

 

[FailureGirl]

I just couldn't do it..

 

[Jrmull1993]

@FailureGirl

Sorry to hear that. Please don't beat yourself up over it, it just wasn't your time.

 

[1000winds]

I just couldn't do it..

dont beat yourself about it. there's always another day.. ❤❤❤

 

[MetroTransit]

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Survival instinct is very hard to overcome. It doesn't make you any lesser for not being able to overcome it at this point in time. Many others on this forum have encountered this exact block as well. No matter what happens I hope you find a way to ease the suffering in your life.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's such a difficult thing to do. Just thinking about it frightens me. I'm sorry things are so bad, you find yourself here. I wish you all the best.

 

[FuneralCry]

At least you have the option of a way to leave this world for when the time is right. I know that just having a way out can be a relief for many, knowing that they are not trapped here. I do feel like suicide can be difficult no matter the method though and as someone else mentioned there is the SI. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from what you are going through.

 

[FailureGirl]

Sorry I didn't reply yesterday iv just been laying in bed feeling sick and numb since returning.
This is the 5th time this year that iv backed out or had to put it on hold due to something unavoidable, every time im just left feeling more useless and hollow.

 

[Jrmull1993]

Sorry I didn't reply yesterday

Woah, no need at all to apologize. SI is not your fault, and is one of the most powerful instinctual forces a person can overcome.

iv just been laying in bed feeling sick and numb since returning.
This is the 5th time this year that iv backed out or had to put it on hold due to something unavoidable, every time im just left feeling more useless and hollow.

I'm incredibly sorry your going through this again. Just in my short time being a member of this site I have read countless other stories of people being ready, and thinking they have overcome SI, only for it to pop up immediately prior to their early exit.

I know this post isn't going to make you feel any better, but I hope you do realize this is no fault of yours.

 

[CandyCane]

Sorry I didn't reply yesterday iv just been laying in bed feeling sick and numb since returning.
This is the 5th time this year that iv backed out or had to put it on hold due to something unavoidable, every time im just left feeling more useless and hollow.

Maybe there's still things left for you to do here. I'm terrified of it, too. So I suffering instead, still hoping somehow something gets better.

 

[FailureGirl]

Living just feels so hard it's like I barely know how to keep doing it.
My mental health and stress, it's making me feel so physically sick and every strong emotion good or bad makes it worse, the anti-anxiety medication makes it worse but the anxiety does too I just want it all over.