sitting here crying my eyes out, writing my last letters

[PrincessInWhite]

I am so angry it had to come to this. I'm so angry there are no real mental health options for anyone who doesn't come from money. I am so angry my options are work the majority of my life away for basic needs, or constantly live in fear of bankruptcy from basic needs. I believe if I'd been born in a different time, I might have made it. I wasn't, I am here and now, and I will be gone, and I am so sad.

Even all the small little things I was trying to stay alive for just a little bit longer for aren't happening, due to cancellations, weather, etc. Those things don't mean much to ohers, but to someone like me who has literally nothing, they were everything. The small things aren't enough anymore. The fear of living like this is so painful. I hate that I'm here. I hate that there's a single soul here because they feel their options are work to death or die first. And yet here we are.

(EDIT: this is not a goodbye post, still haven't picked my date. Please do not ban my account.)

 

[nothingchanges]

Having access to good mental healthcare would have dramatically changed my outcome as well. hope you find peace

 

[PrincessInWhite]

Having access to good mental healthcare would have dramatically changed my outcome as well. hope you find peace

exactly. therapy once every week or two is not enough for those of us suffering like this. our only other options are to go inpatient in a hospital which is basically a holding pen for 2 weeks where they make sure you eat and don't die and tell you things like e"build a support net" and "pratice mindfulness" without actually showing you how. Anyone with any complex trauma or more specific mental illnesses are literally fucked unless they come from a family who can pay for good private care in an insanely expensive residential center, and even then, treatment doesn't change that our choices are work or die.

I'm veery angry you weren't able to access what you need and deserve to be happy and healthy and well. You deserved better. <3

 

[FuneralCry]

This life can be so cruel, and it is unfair how people are unable to get the support they need. It can be hard to carry on when we are in a hopeless situation. I wish you well and if you decide to leave this world then I wish you peace.

 

[Dead beat dad]

I feel you brother. I wish I could cast a blanket of comfort and love over you, and for what it's worth, one keyboard to another, on the other side of the world I send this to you. I feel your anger. I wish this world was not as cruel and awful as it is... More than anything for whatever path you take I wish you strength and power to face the darkness... It might be dark, but you're not alone.

Love and respect brother

DBD

 

[PrincessInWhite]

This life can be so cruel, and it is unfair how people are unable to get the support they need. It can be hard to carry on when we are in a hopeless situation. I wish you well and if you decide to leave this world then I wish you peace.

your icon speaks to me, I really like it. Thank you for the kind words <3 I have tried desperately to cling to hope for decades. It's hard for non-suicidal folks to believe that. They need to believe that people like me just didn't reaech out enough or that it was a snap impulsive decision over something totally temporary. I think because they need to believe the world isn't that bad or they'll crumble. That's ok, I get that. But some of us have fought tooth and nail for decades. Some of us just were not meant for rugged individualism. Some of us will be casualties to capitalism. It breaks my heart into fragments. I have so much love to givee. But I can't do it like this. Sending you love <3

I feel you brother. I wish I could cast a blanket of comfort and love over you, and for what it's worth, one keyboard to another, on the other side of the world I send this to you. I feel your anger. I wish this world was not as cruel and awful as it is... More than anything for whatever path you take I wish you strength and power to face the darkness... It might be dark, but you're not alone.

Love and respect brother

DBD

sending that love right back to you...I hate that you are here, but I am happy to stand next to you in solidarity and with open arms. <3

I feel you brother. I wish I could cast a blanket of comfort and love over you, and for what it's worth, one keyboard to another, on the other side of the world I send this to you. I feel your anger. I wish this world was not as cruel and awful as it is... More than anything for whatever path you take I wish you strength and power to face the darkness... It might be dark, but you're not alone.

Love and respect brother

DBD

sending that love right back to you...I hate that you are here, but I am happy to stand next to you in solidarity and with open arms. <3

 

[nothingchanges]

exactly. therapy once every week or two is not enough for those of us suffering like this. our only other options are to go inpatient in a hospital which is basically a holding pen for 2 weeks where they make sure you eat and don't die and tell you things like e"build a support net" and "pratice mindfulness" without actually showing you how. Anyone with any complex trauma or more specific mental illnesses are literally fucked unless they come from a family who can pay for good private care in an insanely expensive residential center, and even then, treatment doesn't change that our choices are work or die.

I'm veery angry you weren't able to access what you need and deserve to be happy and healthy and well. You deserved better. <3

i appreciate that and we all deserve better. <3