Sick of everything

[noname223]

I am sick of everything. My life is so meaningless. No future prospects way more pain than pleasure. But I am even sick of my suicidality. I am so damn obsessed with it. I am only thinking about it but I am not doing it (currently). This has its reason. If I try to ctb it makes me extremely depressed. I wait for my next severe depression that makes me overcome SI. I try to avoid too much shit that would cause another mental breakdown. But the time is passing and there is no really solution for my problems insight.
I miss the days when I was only halfway suicidal and had almost a normal life. Expect for the bullying, abuse and hypomania. Lmao. But at least I had a future. Or at least I thought so.
Suicide comes closer and closer. But I can play for time. I can avoid poverty for the next 10 years. The bad thing is in the future i will look back at today and say at least I did not live in poverty to that time. This game will go on and on till I ctb. Going through with it takes so much desperation and pain.
One stor about suicide is so true. Suicide is not a gu decides one day I ctb and then he does it. It is rather years and years passing, Day by day thinking about how you could do it, imagine and fantasize about it. And then going through with it.

 

[idkanymore365]

Sorry you're feeling like this. I think I understand the pain of trying to ctb, failing and then feeling 10x worse because you have the failure and feeling tapped with no way out on top of everything else :(. All the methods available to me right now take so much pain and have potential awful consequences (like ending up hospitalised) that I feel defeated and trapped in this life until I manage to overcome SI or I die naturally/by neglecting my health. If only society have us the right to die. My life also feels meaningless atm, no one relies on me, no one needs me, the future I once hoped for has gone from reach as I am too anxious to even leave the house. I'm sorry you feel like you do, I hope things get better for you in one way or another. Sending hugs to you :)

 

[FuneralCry]

This life really is cruel to us. I see my life as meaningless, I just exist for the sake of existing, I understand how that feels. I look forward to not being here anymore as I dread the future. As humans we have to suffer so much and yet we lack the right to leave this world peacefully. It really is hard to die which is what holds many of us back. I hope you find some sort of relief.

 

[WornOutLife]

Well, 10 years is a lot of time and you might change your mind or not. Or maybe, enjoy something, somehow, and then decide to leave.
It all depends on you!

As for me, I'm trying to live but it's very hard. I don't know how longer I'll endure this!!

 

[BlankUser]

I am so sick of everything. I wish I could take a brick and smash my head with it.
No suffering, no nothing... I hate my life and I hate the fact that my parents decided to procreate.